oil change

[goatster]

This could be a commercial for Jiffy Lube Oil Change !!!!!

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $30.00 (full service)
Coffee $1.00
Total $31.00
================================================== ========

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame .
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00

But you know the job was done right!

[ThatCanadianGuy]

HAHAHAHA. Wow. Please tell me this is just another E-mail you got and this diden't actually happen to you.

Reading this I thought to myself..no wonder he keeps f'in up he has a beer every 3 minutes!.

Nice story, I enjoyed the read.

DUI- BIG NO NO Be ashamed.

[goatster]

yes it was just an email but i can relate to it.

thats why itake it to my buddies garage now and give him $20 to do it so i dont spend so much on beer.

[demon]

I buy gallons of oil and an oil filters and it only costs me about 12.00. I change the oil at 5,000 miles since changing it at 3,000 is a scam by oil companies.

[LyleG]

Originally Posted by demon

I change the oil at 5,000 miles since changing it at 3,000 is a scam by oil companies.

I had a used Pontiac 6000 that I drove for 95,000 miles on the same oil. Only topped it up twice in 4 years. Ran like a top until I parked it under a school bus (it turned in front of me)

[Garrett]

HAHAHAHAHAHA Thats some good stuff there!!!

[Bravo]

Goatster:

Great post and I can relate....while I haven't changed the oil in my cars in years (use the female method you described), I do have an electric generator I use when we have power outages due to weather events.

In the past 12 years, I have used the generator on three different occasions to power my house. In each case, I ran it for five consecutive days.

Because it runs continuously, they recommend an oil change every twelve hours. So I get in the habit of doing an 8 am and 8 pm oil change....and invariably dropping the extremely hot plug into a tray of very hot oil and fishing the effing thing out with whatever is on hand.

AND on the evening changes, there is often an alcoholic beverage nearby for my greasy hands to try to manage.....

[goatster]

ueah the way i figure it since i had to pay $5 for gas to get a new plug because i was half ****ed and stripped the other its cheaper to pay the $20.

although i do change the oil on our work trucks but no booze involved as im at work.plus do it in morning while oil is still cold.

[JEFF4i]

Eh, I'm not so quick to relate. Yesterday I went to get my car changed, wanted Penzoil since that's all I've ever used, and it took me 2 hours to find a Jiffy Lube that had Penzoil and could do it within 3 hours. Computers were down, out of oil, all kinds of bs. I'll be changing it myself now.