UPS funnies

[azgreg]

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in ****pit
S: Something tightened in ****pit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Air craft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Jules150]

Those are great, i wonder if they're legit?

[Rockford35]

"By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident."

There's no way in fecking hell that I beleive this statement. If you saw some of the boxes that get delivered to my house, you'd wonder if it wasn't pulled from a smoldering cargo hold of a UPS plane that just nose dived from 33,000 feet.

Feck I hate those guys.

R35


Those are funny tho. LOL.

[Sandpiper3]

They dont mean accident with your package, they mean their plane Rock.

They could care less about your packages

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Ahhahahahaah, those are good.

[ualtim]

Originally Posted by Jules150

Those are great, i wonder if they're legit?

I have seen several variations of the "airline" portion of the joke (Quantas being the most distributed as they have never had an accident, saw a Southwest version years ago but since their Burbank and Chicago accidents you do not see that version any more), but the gripes and responses are always the same. The original version was from the military (not too many civilian airliners carry IFF "Indetification Friend or Foe" gear nor "Target Radar" unless you consider rain a target ), and knowing enough former military airplane mechanics, it would not surprise me in the least if they actually occured.

Regardless whether they are true or not, they are damn funny.