Cold Front & I done bad.

[wirehair]

The only thing between Texas & Canada is a barbed wire fence that's down half the year.

So it's 20 something degrees, all this sleet & shit is falling. I've got zero brown whiskey in the house. To make things worse, we've go no chili fixins. This is an emergency. I run to the store & pick up the essentials, chili meat, Jack Daniels, jalapenos, cheese, onions, etc. I also grab a Leo DiCaprio video thinking Chick Flick.

I'm gonna be a good husband and maybe get lucky.

Before SWMBO gets home, I start up a pot of chili and pour a drink.

SWMBO gets home & jumps up my butt because:
a) I'm drinking whiskey. - hell, what the f*** else am I gonna do. It's 20 F-ing degrees outside & Jack Daniels is made for that.
b) She wanted a baked potato.
c) I was at the store & didn't get any hot chocolate, but I bought "Demon Rum".
d) The Leo D-WTF movie was "Gangs of New York" & it's violent. Sorry, but I'm not a Leo D expert, I think the guy bats for the other team.

Usually, when shit like this happens, I'll grab my clubs & go hit about a 1000 balls - did I say it's 20 something degrees & sleeting!

Pray for me. I'm fecked, and there ain't gonna be any slap & tickle for Wirehair!

[Rockford35]

Originally Posted by wirehair

b) She wanted a baked potato.

LOL. This is the best thing I've heard this month. So sweet!...

R35

[Pa Jayhawk]

It's 24 degrees here, there is 2-3 inches of snow on the ground. I have to drive between #3 and #4 just to get food, and the B@stards leave the flags out on the snow covered greens just to taunt me.

I feel your pain.

[wirehair]

Originally Posted by Rockford35

LOL. This is the best thing I've heard this month. So sweet!...

R35

Cruel Rock, Cruel...I'm in pain here. I'm pleased my suffering can bring a little levity into your otherwise drab existence.

Of Course, I'm already toast & I've got that big bottle of brown whiskey.....Sooooo.

[Rockford35]

Well, if it helps lift your spirits, the old lady got a hair cut today, I never noticed. How the hell am I supposed to know when you get 1/100 of an inch cut off? Cripes.

On top of that, it's -32 here. 6" of snow, cold as hell.

I had Thai food for dinner (I had to pair....haircut....you know...) and I found a peice of paper in my rice. Classy.

The dog jumped on me after dinner and sacked me, so hard I had to come upstairs and use the computer to regain my strength.

I have no booze here. One bottle of lady Keiths that VT turned me onto.

So who's having a bad day?

Oh, I also slept with your old lady. (You always need a parting shot....)

R35

[Big Brother Dunk]

Wirehair, sometimes you can't win for trying.

And just a bit of advice: never rent a "chick flick" without having your chick with you. You won't get the right movie no matter what.

[wirehair]

Originally Posted by Rockford35

Oh, I also slept with your old lady. (You always need a parting shot....)

How'd you get the flannel nightgown off her? Tell me the secret.

[Rockford35]

Booze, my friend. And lots of it.

Then she was butter in my hands.

Of course, I don't remember much, after all that booze...

R35

[SiberianDVM]

You should have just rented "Titantic". Then when she said I want a baked potato, you could have said "Potato? Here's your potato!" Guaranteed nooky!

[Rockford35]

Originally Posted by SiberianDVM

You should have just rented "Titantic". Then when she said I want a baked potato, you could have said "Potato? Here's your potato!" Guaranteed nooky!

Ha, this reminds me of a great story.

When Titanic first came to the theatres, people (women and VTDivot) lost their minds. After about 6 weeks at number one at the box office and almost everyone in the world having viewed it, a friend of mine approached me with a proposition.

"Uh, hey. You, uh.....you wanna see Titanic? I mean, i'm not gay or anything, but, uh.....I've heard it's good on the big screen. You know, that big kick ass boat sinking and shit...."

"Uh, ya man. Sinking boats, maybe there will be some gratuitous nudity. Me likee!"

So we head off to the theatre, obviously confident in our masculinity.

We arrive at the theatre only to find that we are the only - the ONLY - two men in the theatre.

We squeeze through the crowd of chatty cathy's to find a pair of seats, completely surrounding ourselves with peircing and questioning eyes.

The movie starts and goes on....and on.....and on.....DIE ALREADY!

As the movie ends, I start to notice that the vast majority of women in the theatre are crying. Not "sniff, sniff.....that's so sad....", I mean bawling. The girl in front of me, I thought she was laughing, but she was near hyper-ventalating. I felt bad for her, as her friends weren't realy noticing, so when we rose to get up I put my hand on her shoulder and calmly asked "Are you ok?"

Her response was an increased volume to her sobbing, with a comment from her teary eyed friend "She'll be ok. This is our 6th time seeing this...."

I will never - NEVER - go to a chick flick in the theatre ever again.

R35

[DaveE]

Thanks guys, you've made my morning a little brighter even if it is 20 degrees, that's -7 in your world Rock. -32 wins big though.

If you want your wife to be happy just do what I did yesterday. Take the day off and go Christmas shopping with her. You'll need plenty of whiskey after just to figure out how you're gonna pay for everything but she's smilin' so life is good, I guess.

Oh, I got some extra work out of the deal. Seems she wants to relive one of her childhood memories so we now have a train to go around the Christmas tree. And you can't have the train without a platform. Well what good's a platform without the fake grass and snow and of course a tunnel. Well hell, you don't just want a empty field of grass and snow do ya?

Hell no! Gotta have a whole village of stores and ice rinks, houses, villagers....you get the picture. But remember, she's smilin'.

Guess what I'm doing this weekend. Ding, ding, ding, you're all right, I'm building a train village to go around our tree. And the best part is it only cost me about $500.00.

But again, she'e smilin' so live is good, I think.

[Rockford35]

You're pretty easy, Dave.

I'll have a Launcher Comp, 8.5 with a Graf Blue shaft in X-stiff.

I'm smiling...

R35

[DaveE]

Originally Posted by Rockford35

You're pretty easy, Dave.

I'll have a Launcher Comp, 8.5 with a Graf Blue shaft in X-stiff.

I'm smiling...

R35

It's in the mail.

Oh wait, I don't know you're address. Guess I'll have to keep it for myself.

[SiberianDVM]

Funny Titantic story, Rock. My best vet assistant, ever, bless her heart, and I used to bait each other with Best Movie Ever: for her, it was always Titantic, for me, it was always Ben-Hur. Go figure.

Another funny movie story: when I moved to Denver years ago I had zero friends, and it took a LONG time to meet people. One of my best friends ever was a tall, tomboyish, athletic girl named Donna. We went on bike rides, ski trips, and it was always platonic. Donna was just a great guy with boobs. She didn't shave her legs because she liked the feel of the wind through her hair.

One day in the summer, she asked me if I wanted to go to the lake: I said sure. So I put on my swim trunks, t shirt, flip flops, and packed my cooler and lawn chair. Donna drives, and as we are riding along, she says, oh bye the way, it's an optional nude beach at the lake.

Oh, OK, I say, thinking OH SHIT!!!!!!

So anyway, we get there, park the car, and unload our stuff, and there are all of these BUTT NEKKED people walking around. Some of them shouldn't BE naked, if you know what I mean. This was back in 1982, so I was only 30, and in good shape at the time. There were people of ALL ages and shapes.

We both decide to keep our swim suits on, and take our lawn chairs down to the beach. There were official life guards wearing orange trunks, barbecues and everything; and at least 200 people.

After a while, Donna, says, I think I'm gonna take off my top. I say OK, trying not to be too obvious in my gogling. After another while, Donna says, I think I'm going to take off my bottom. I say, OK, good idea, as I roll over onto my stomach, hoping to even my tan.

All the while, I'm thinking, how the hell are these guys walking around without boners? I can't do this!!

Anyway, Donna and I remained platonic friends my whole 2 years in Denver, but never made a "connection". What's this got to do with the movies, you ask?

Later that summer, we went to see the big hit of the summer: E.T. The theater was packed, and like everyone else we sat there entranced. As the closing music soared, and the lights came up, I looked over at Donna, smiling at her because I had enjoyed the movie, only to notice that she had tears streaming down her face. What's the matter, I asked? It's so SAD, she sobbed, E.T. left Elliot!

Donna, it's just a movie, I stupidly responded. Waah, boo-hoooo!! Meanwhile people are looking at me like I'm some kind of insensitive Neaderthal. Things never were QUITE the same after that..........

Anyway, Donna, if you're still out there somewhere, I love you, girl, and I'm ready to go to the beach, again.

[IrishGolfer]

Originally Posted by DaveE

Thanks guys, you've made my morning a little brighter even if it is 20 degrees, that's -7 in your world Rock. -32 wins big though.

If you want your wife to be happy just do what I did yesterday. Take the day off and go Christmas shopping with her. You'll need plenty of whiskey after just to figure out how you're gonna pay for everything but she's smilin' so life is good, I guess.

Oh, I got some extra work out of the deal. Seems she wants to relive one of her childhood memories so we now have a train to go around the Christmas tree. And you can't have the train without a platform. Well what good's a platform without the fake grass and snow and of course a tunnel. Well hell, you don't just want a empty field of grass and snow do ya?

Hell no! Gotta have a whole village of stores and ice rinks, houses, villagers....you get the picture. But remember, she's smilin'.

Guess what I'm doing this weekend. Ding, ding, ding, you're all right, I'm building a train village to go around our tree. And the best part is it only cost me about $500.00.

But again, she'e smilin' so live is good, I think.

Dave, there's always drugs! Some for you and some for her. A few diazapan and she'll believe that there is a mo' fo choo choo train going round the house, never mind the tree. And a few spliffs for you and Christmas will be a walk-over.

As for us, we just got our tree yesterday. A 6ft beast, which cut my hands to shreds. So after dragging this thing for what seems like forever, "her indoors", ie SWMBO then thinks it would be a good idea to get an artificial tree for our front living room, to act "as a balance". WTF???? 2 trees?!!

There's a C&W singer who has a song about his better half giving him a hard time. While the nagging goes on, he stands there taking it, but in his mind he is playing pool in some bar down town, drinking beer and generally having a good time. That's what I sometimes do. I'm on the 5th at Portstewart, there's a nice breeze blowing on a summer's day, I've just hit a cracking drive...meanwhile SWMBO is harping on obout the state of the back garden, or the fact that I haven't called my mother etc.

As for Wirehair's situation, I agree he's fecked!! And NEVER listen to R35!