Tiger Woods.....or Chuck Norris

[mgoblue]

I found some of these extremely funny:



From national radio personality Steve Czaban...


The (made up) truth about Tiger Woods
By Steve Czaban
Special to OMC
E-mail author | Author bio
More articles by Steve Czaban
Published July 26, 2006 at 5:05 a.m.
I've been reading a lot about Chuck Norris lately on the Web. And some
of
the claims seem to be, well, a bit far fetched. With that being said, I
came
across these claims regarding Tiger Woods.
OK, by "came across" I mean "I made up," but you get the point. Are they
far
fetched? I don't think so. In fact, I would be inclined to believe about
2/3
of these claims ...
The Truth About Tiger Woods
True Fact: Tiger Woods only brings a single sleeve of golf balls to
every
tournament. And then gives two of them away to fans before the first
tee.
True Fact: For fun, Tiger Woods will kill squirrels in his backyard with
an
old 1-iron and a bag of shag balls.
True Fact: The Navy once told Tiger Woods to stop hitting drivers off
the
back deck of his yacht, because it was interfering with their training
exercises.
True Fact: A Tiger Woods divot has all the nutrition of a medium sized
apple.
True Fact: Tiger Woods has a team of maids for his mansion that all look
hotter than J. Lo.
True Fact: To get the job, Tiger Woods made Stevie Williams kill a
fellow
caddy - just to prove his loyalty.
True Fact: Tiger Woods used to play golf left handed, but switched when
he
was 11, because the game was too easy.
True Fact: Tiger Woods can make Sergio Garcia cry, just by looking at
him.
True Fact: Tiger Woods never drives the same Buick twice. He'll usually
just
leaving it running in a parking lot, and take a limo home.
True Fact: For Tiger Woods, a "small" bucket, is an average sized
garbage
can. A "large" bucket is the bed of a Toyota Tundra.
True Fact: Tiger Woods can putt as well as scratch golfer, using nothing
but
his left foot.
True Fact: The driver Nike made for Tiger Woods personal use, comes with
two
full time security guards.
True Fact: Tiger Woods was once asked out on a double date by Jessica
Simpson and Scarlett Johannsen - and turned them down.
True Fact: Tiger Woods has such a perfect grip, he's never had a
blister.
True Fact: You know that commercial where Tiger Woods bounces the ball
off
his wedge through his legs, and then hits it out of mid-air? He was
stone
drunk when then filmed it.
True Fact: Tiger Woods doesn't need a yardage book. He can just "squint"
the
correct yardage, within 18 inches of perfect accuracy.
True Fact: Tiger Woods once lost to another kid growing up in
California,
and got revenge by beating him 693 straight times after that, causing
the
kid to switch to tennis.
True Fact: Tiger Woods does not give very good clinics. He'll just pick
up a
club and say: "Here, do this." And then get pissed off within five
minutes
and just leave.
True Fact: Tiger Woods once beat Vijay Singh in a "loser leaves Orlando"
match at their club in Isleworth. Vijay now lives in Jacksonville.
True Fact: Tiger Woods will introduce PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem
at
parties as: "This is my bitch, Timmy Finchem" to complete strangers and
not
even break a smile.
True Fact: Tiger Woods' steel shafts are so stiff in his irons, that a
typical club pro can only hit grounders with them.
True Fact: Tiger Woods likes to buy his own autographed items on EBay,
and
then show up at the seller's house, and beat the crap out of them.
True Fact: That black Nike hat Tiger started wearing when turned pro?
It's
the same one he wears now. Tiger Woods does not sweat. Period.
True Fact: Just screwing around one day, Tiger figured out how to hit a
"flop putter" shot, but he won't use it in a tournament, because he's
afraid
it will just "freak everybody out."
True Fact: Tiger Woods can make 100 straight 30-footers one-handed while
answering e-mails on his Blackberry.
True Fact: Tiger Woods is getting so bored with winning majors, he's got
all
the trophies sitting in a box in his garage.

[IrishGolfer]

True Fact: Just screwing around one day, Tiger figured out how to hit a
"flop putter" shot, but he won't use it in a tournament, because he's
afraid it will just "freak everybody out."

I thought everyone knew that shot. Works especially well in sand, or so I find!

[Eracer]

I thought everyone knew that shot. Works especially well in sand, or so I find!

Just wondering when you're going to try the Tour Edge Exotics with the cool blue Comp NT shaft in it 300-yard high draw shot?

[Adam Pettman]

I thought everyone knew that shot. Works especially well in sand, or so I find!

My freind got quite good at getting out of bunkers using my putter , he's not so good at it anymore since he broke my putter.

[mont86]

Blue that is a funnny read! Now I'm waiting too hear from R35.....
He will probably lock this thread.....Oh wait TIGER won't let him!