Pick A Name - 10 Top Cool Names For A Golfer!

[smileyrose]

Top Ten Cool Names for a Golfer

• Hale N. Won
• Ty Tanium
• Juan Under
• T. A. Ball
• Woody Metal
• Cal Away
• Spike Mark
• R. Chi Bunker
• Chip Masters
• Shaft

[aceillini]

How about Burt E. Parr

[Slingblade61]

oh, god....don't encourage her.

[smileyrose]

More! More!

[smileyrose]

I have a joke for you, someone told me it at work a number of years ago and I still find it funny!

Honeymoon
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the you know where regions!
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc?. I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your 'thingy' in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal her breasts. This was the first time he'd ever seen them.
She said, "You're the first; no one has ever touched these breasts before."
He immediately drops his pants and replies..
"Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

[token_hottie]

lol - good one!

th

[Rockford35]

A woman runs into the Pro Shop screaming hysterically.

The Pro says to her "Lady, what's wrong?"

" I got stung by a bee! I got stung by a bee! What should I do!?!" she exclaims excitedly.

"Oh my! Where did you get stung?" he questions.

"Between the 1st and second hole", she explains.

The Pro thinks for a second "OK, in that case, you just need to close your stance a little..."



R35

[mont86]

Somebody please lock this thread.

[Rockford35]

Originally Posted by mont86

Somebody please lock this thread.

LOL...why?

R35

[Sandpiper3]

Stevie Wonder & Tiger Woods are in a bar...

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar.
Woods turns to Wonder and says:
"How is the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad! How's the golf?"

Woods replies: "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now."
Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.

Tiger Woods says: "You play golf?"
Stevie Wonder says: "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."

And Woods says: "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you're blind?"
Wonder replies: "I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddie moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

"But, how do you putt?" asks Woods.
"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

Woods asks: "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: "We've got to play a round sometime."
Wonder replies: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."

Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would you like to play?"
Stevie says, "Pick a night!"
__________________________________________________ _______-

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. After a short massage she asked him, "How does that feel?"

To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!"

__________________________________________________ __________________


Loft & A Hazard

Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yard. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says, "Loft."

The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says, "Loft."

The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says. "Loft."

As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up.

He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots, and when we asked you what we did wrong, you answered the same exact answer each time. What is loft??"

The pro says, "Lack of ****ing talent."

__________________________________________________ _____________________

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a
big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got
another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the
ball saying "Let's get up here before we get killed!"

[smileyrose]

Hehe

The Hooker!

A couple met at Hilton Head and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over.

"It's only fair to warn you Jody." he said. "I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf."

"Well, since you're being honest, so will I." Jody said. "I'm a hooker."

"I see." he said. Then brightening, he smiled. "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

[mont86]

Originally Posted by Rockford35

LOL...why?

R35

Becauseof all the jokes too follow. Its actually pretty funny.

[golfman2760]

the hitman

actually that is a better name for a texas holdem poker player

[smileyrose]

Oh how nice Mr Mont I knew you'd come to your senses. I'm really quite a nice person.... for a female that is! Now, can we have enough of the accusations about me being a man please?!

Ok here's another for you and doesn't it just go to show that the Scots can be a little stingy sometimes! Hehe are there any Marks and Spencer males in the forum?!

No knickers

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. Whilst walking around the course the Englishman's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground with her skirt over her head, revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. "Well darling, " she explained "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice, usually no one notices." With that the Englishman thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a tenner, go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers.

Two holes further on the Irishman's wife caught her foot on a mole hill, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground with her skirt over her head, revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either! The Irishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her lack of nether garments. "Well darling," she explained "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice, usually no one notices."

With that the Irishman thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a fiver go to Woolworth's and get some knickers."

Three holes further on the Scotsman's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground with her skirt over her head, revealing that she too wasn't wearing any knickers! The Scotsman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her inadequacy in the modesty department. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice, usually no one notices."

With that the Scotsman thrust his hand into his pocket and said "Here's a comb, at least you can tidy yourself up a bit!"

[SiberianDVM]

LOL! Good one.