Laws of Golf

[Bama Duffer]

These have probably been posted, but a friend forwarded them to me and they cracked me up. Sorry if I'm duplicating something:

The Natural Laws of Golf



1. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.



2. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.



3. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.



4. When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.



5. Any change works for a maximum of three holes - - or at a minimum of not at all.



6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.



7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.



8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.



9. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.



10. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.



11. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.



12. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.



13. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.



14. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.



15. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.



16. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.



17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.



18. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.



19. It's not a gimme if you're still away.



20. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.



21. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.



22. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.



23. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.



24. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.



25. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap. Example: backswing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing 300mph.



26. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.



27. Hazards attract; fairways repel.



28. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.



29. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.



30. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.



31. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.



32. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

[Rockford35]

#9 is still gold....lol.

R35

[DaveE]

That's pretty much a replay of how things went last night.

[Lamma]

Another one I think should be added to the list is:

The day you tell a buddy that you're game is improving guarantees that the next time you play with him you're going to shoot the worst game of your life.

[Bama Duffer]

Definitely a worthy addition, Lamma. Happens to me everytime. "I finally solved that backswing problem I was having." Now watch the problem that creates with my follow-through.

[Lamma]

Originally Posted by Bama Duffer

Definitely a worthy addition, Lamma. Happens to me everytime. "I finally solved that backswing problem I was having." Now watch the problem that creates with my follow-through.

Thanks. I did this one two weeks ago. I was at the river and met up with a friend of mine. The last time I played with him was the first time I'd played golf in about a year and a half. Obviously I struggled like hell, but have since really improved my game. So I told him that if it weren't for a couple of blow up holes per round that I could be playing in the 80's pretty soon.

He called me today and asked if I wanted to play at the private club he belongs to along with some industry guys. "We're gonna play skins and get some other side bets going and with the way you've been hitting the ball, I think we could make some money".

I'm so screwed. Yeah I know that's not positive thinking and all that but is anything less than total meltdown a possibility at this point for me? Man, I'm boned. I need to go hit my irons.

[Bravo]

I love #6...I was playing in a tourney about five weeks ago with a friend who is a good player. While we were not partners in the tourney, we were in the same group.

He was playing like utter crap and I thought to myself, "surely he can't play any worse".

He then topped two balls in the rough and finished a par 5 with a score of 9. The highest score I had ever seen him record relative to par.

So while some of these are humorous - others are postively spot on accurate...

[SilverUberXeno]

22. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.


The pain.. THE PAIN..
It seems like the majority of a tree is not going to interrupt your ball. Leaves, empty space.. Ugh. Lies.