The front 9 on Sunday (long)

[Duckhook Mallard]

This is way long, so I apologize in advance…..

So, my buddy Jeff and I are heading about 70 miles or so out of town so we can get some cheap golf at a pretty good track. (Southern California golf is stupid expensive) So we arrive and are paired up with two singles – both seem like okay guys, no problem. We tee off and a great Sunday is underway! (I bogey the first because I’m an idiot, but that’s another thread)

So we’re standing on the second tee box and my buddy Jeff tees off. First a little about Jeff: Jeff’s natural shot shape is a fairly strong left to right, but he’s very consistent. He aims left and it cuts back into the fairway and he’s pretty accurate. He plays this shot all the time and does well with it. So anyway, back to the 2nd tee.. . . .

So Jeff cuts it too much and it rolls into the bush about 220 or so out – not OB or anything, just off the fairway a little – actually not a bad shot just a bad break. So as we are heading down the fairway, one of our new playing partners who we’ll call from now on 'Annoyingshopowner' mentions that Jeff’s shoulders are set up way too open and that if Jeff would just address some of his “set up issues” then he would straighten out that slice.

WHAT?!

I almost fell out of the cart – not only did this guy enthusiastically give unsolicited swing advice, but he was kind of an a$$ about it. Anyway, we’re pretty easy going guys and got a chuckle out of it.

Oh but wait – it gets worse. So we come to find out that Annoyingshopowner owns a golf shop – go figure! And he gives us a 10 minute sermon on how his driver was the no 1 driver on the Asian tour in 97 (???) and how Callaway has ruined golf. So he gets down off his soap box and shoves his driver in my face and said “Hit this! You’ll kill it!” I politely declined saying that I didn’t have an extra ball to spare, but said that it looked nice. I couldn’t see what brand it was because it was absolutely blanketed in lead tape(?). At this point Annoyingshopowner was really starting to rub me the wrong way but I wasn’t going to let him ruin my round – it was still early.

On the 2nd green – Jeff leaves his putt a few feet short and curses his putter. So of course.. . here we go. Annoyingshopowner pulls out a friggin lead weight that affixes to the grip end of one’s putter to “improve the feel.” “Use this, it will give you more feel.” Needless to say this provided a much need comic relief to the group. Jeff decided that this was too precious to turn down and used the silly little contraption for the remainder of the round as a joke. Good times!

So lets fast forward to the 8th tee. Short par 3 - just a wedge into a well protected green. I left mine a little out to the right – maybe 3 yards off the green – took a bad hop and ended up 10 yards or so off to the right. Not too bad – chip and a putt for par (which I made btw). As I’m walking back to my cart, Annoyingshopowner STOPS ME by standing in my path and TELLS ME to set up for him so he can show me what I’m doing wrong. Normally I would’ve told him to piss off, but this had been constant entertainment all day - why stop now. So as Jeff snickers, I decided to indulge our eager instructor. He tells me and shows me by moving my club around that I was coming too far inside so I had nowhere to go but right. At this point we’re all laughing – all of us. Annoyingshopowner is oblivious, just rattling on about angles between my forearm and shaft and I may have heard something about the X factor, but I’m not sure – I was in a weird state of rage/laughter at that point.

On the 9th Tee – Annoyingshopowner gives me a ProV1 (since I don't have a ball to spare ) and says that he wants me to hit his driver – Jeff’s having a hard time just standing still because we are so far over the top at this point. . . . . . .anyway. To make a long story short – I “accidentally” weakened my grip hoping that I would get laid off and the ball would go right – yup. Fore right. Woods. Ball gone. (he deserved it – the crappy-driver hawkin’ bum) Yes - - - admittedly it was an immature and small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

I pulled him aside and quietly mentioned that the driver felt a little off-balance since I hadn’t cut one all day. Annoyingshopowner gave me a look like I just shot his dog. At the turn he said his goodbyes and left with this statement: (note: this statement is verbatim – no kidding) “Sorry guys I gotta make a run to the dump”

Priceless.

Thanks for hangin in there with me guys – I had to get his out of my system.

[DaveE]

Good Story. I'm gonna go give the guys in my foursome a big hug for not being gigantic a**holes.

[Bravo]

Duckhook:

This is a great (although agonizing) story.

Your powers of self control are amazing.

Thanks for being an early poster here. This is what we are looking for and adds so much to a great board.

Perhaps you should have suggested that Annoyingshopowner go down to Callaway HQ in Carlsbad and start picketing.....