How to tell someone you like....

[Libre]

To limpalong - you asked a serious question and got very little in the way of sound advice. Telling the young man gfy, while sounding very funny here on a forum, or in an anecdote in the locker room, is actually horrible advice. You're in your 70's, you said. Haven't you run into people before, with whom you'd rather avoid certain discussions, but find they are sometimes unavoidable? This is about 75% of the people I run into. Do I tell them to g f themselves? Of course not. You owe it to your fellow man to be decent to them as long as they're not insufferable.

So limpalong, if you want to cross a line that once crossed, there is no way back - tell him put a sock it it or just tell him you're not interested in this line of discussion, thank you. But if you want to continue to get along with this fellow - or any other person - you nod your head politely, endure their tales and advice, tell them "how interesting!" or whatever for a moment, then you excuse yourself and go about your business. I dunno, maybe give him half an ear? Sometimes, even idiots have something useful to impart.

You figure out in life who you want to get closer to, who are fine at arms length, and who to run away from. Very important to keep these categories straight. Try to keep people that you associate with in one of the first two categories. He's the pro/manager at your course. You said you like the man. Don't alienate him to have a good locker room anecdote. You'll regret it. When he asks about your golf, because maybe he feels it's his job, or he just wants to converse with you, you can simply tell him that you're doing the best you can, as always.

It takes patience to maintain friendships, and you have to know that your friends have to be equally patient, to maintain a relationship with you.

 

[azgreg]

 

[limpalong]

To limpalong - you asked a serious question and got very little in the way of sound advice. Telling the young man gfy, while sounding very funny here on a forum, or in an anecdote in the locker room, is actually horrible advice. You're in your 70's, you said. Haven't you run into people before, with whom you'd rather avoid certain discussions, but find they are sometimes unavoidable? This is about 75% of the people I run into. Do I tell them to g f themselves? Of course not. You owe it to your fellow man to be decent to them as long as they're not insufferable.

So limpalong, if you want to cross a line that once crossed, there is no way back - tell him put a sock it it or just tell him you're not interested in this line of discussion, thank you. But if you want to continue to get along with this fellow - or any other person - you nod your head politely, endure their tales and advice, tell them "how interesting!" or whatever for a moment, then you excuse yourself and go about your business. I dunno, maybe give him half an ear? Sometimes, even idiots have something useful to impart.

You figure out in life who you want to get closer to, who are fine at arms length, and who to run away from. Very important to keep these categories straight. Try to keep people that you associate with in one of the first two categories. He's the pro/manager at your course. You said you like the man. Don't alienate him to have a good locker room anecdote. You'll regret it. When he asks about your golf, because maybe he feels it's his job, or he just wants to converse with you, you can simply tell him that you're doing the best you can, as always.

It takes patience to maintain friendships, and you have to know that your friends have to be equally patient, to maintain a relationship with you.

Excellent post! Glad you found this old one and took the time to add your two cents worth. Reading through the original post and the replies, including your well thought out one, give me a chance to make a few comments as to how the year has progressed.

1.) The young man I was shaking my head about early in his tenure has been a huge asset to our course. He has shown a maturity, integrity, and responsibility that have made our course a better place to play golf and to enjoy a segment of our social life. I only hope we can continue to support him, watch him grow in his position, and see our club continue to prosper.

2.) Over this past year, he and I have struck up an excellent relationship. I've not agreed with everything he has done while employed by our course. Yet, I firmly believe we could not have found a better fit to rebuild what the last person in that position had torn down.

3.) I've always believed that if you have complaints about a situation try to be part of the solution. My career the past couple decades had seen me on the road during the week. I could not run for the Board at our course since it would have been impossible to have been a responsible participant in meetings, etc. 2,000 nights in hotels the last 14 years did not lend itself to being present to be an effective Board member. I retired early in 2017. So, I tossed my hat into the ring when the nominations were open for Board positions. At the annual meeting a couple weeks ago, I was elected to a 3-year term on our Board of Directors. Now, if I do have any things that are unsettling about how the course is operated it is part of my responsibility to discuss those things with the Board and come to a resolve that benefits the Course and its members. (That also allows me to be part of negotiating the Course employees annual contracts so they better be nice to me!!! )

4.) Lastly, the comments about telling the young man... telling anyone... to gfy is not my way of handling issues. Working in a very high stress career where I could be referred to in terms on a daily basis that included numerous 4-letter words, I found it solved nothing to lower myself to that level. In fact, I told contractors I worked with if they ever heard me utter a four-letter word on a job site I would hand them a $100 bill. No one was ever able to collect it. In stressful arguments when a person's patience is being tried, to stoop to name calling only escalates the situation. I learned, over the years, that patience and the ability to deescalate trumped a nose-to-nose confrontation. I worked through my issues with the subject young man by almost immediately bestowing pats on the back and applauding him for his efforts. Don't know how many times while biting my tongue about one issue, I told him... honestly... how blessed the Course was to have him on board. Those efforts got him to asking me for advice instead of offering me unwanted advice.

There! If you don't know by now, my posts are short and concise. I rarely post a response that contains more than a single sentence... or two... or three... or four... or................. This response may have exceeded the very few words I'm used to posting, but hopefully it explains where things have evolved to since the thread was initiated.

 

[Libre]

I'm glad that the situation has evolved in a positive way for you.
I don't know if you watch Curb Your Enthusiasm but Larry David wanted to distance himself from a chatty person at his golf club and things really went from bad to worse.

Now, tell me more about that 8.6 handicap. I'm 66 and I have no trouble shooting my age. On the front 9. Then I shoot it again on the back. Well, that's a joke, but I'm always near 50 on each side. And it takes some good playing on my part to do that. Your pro's attitude could probably benefit me. I can't seem to improve - I mean, every individual skill is better or worse from round to round but I'm always on the north side of 100 no matter what.

 

[PaPaD]

Limp - I think your Pro is just trying to sell you lessons!

 

[limpalong]

I'm glad that the situation has evolved in a positive way for you.
I don't know if you watch Curb Your Enthusiasm but Larry David wanted to distance himself from a chatty person at his golf club and things really went from bad to worse.

Now, tell me more about that 8.6 handicap. I'm 66 and I have no trouble shooting my age. On the front 9. Then I shoot it again on the back. Well, that's a joke, but I'm always near 50 on each side. And it takes some good playing on my part to do that. Your pro's attitude could probably benefit me. I can't seem to improve - I mean, every individual skill is better or worse from round to round but I'm always on the north side of 100 no matter what.

At age 66, you're playing golf!!!! I don't care what you shoot! It's a blessing to even be able to play this game. How many people our age don't have the physical or financial opportunity to do so. We all want to get better. It's just difficult to remember Golf is a dastardly game that will slap you in the face. Just about the time you believe you've found the secret to whittle a couple strokes off your score, another component of your game will go in the dumpster. That's why we keep coming back. We're going to beat this Game!! We're going to take her down and show her who's boss!! We're going to.......... That's golf!
Our weekday group includes 10 or 11 "regulars". Some days we will have 3 or 4. Other days we'll see all 10 or 11. Two in our group will break 90 once or twice/year. Others in the group will break 80 almost every time out. The most of us will see our games float between the upper 70's to the upper 80's. Every person in the group catches the same flack. There is no mercy for those who will card close to 100 on a given day. There is no mercy when the guy who shoots in the 70's ever day cards a score in the 80's. We're have fun. That's what golf is about. Just yesterday, we were talking about how lucky we are to have a group of "just good people" to enjoy most every morning with.

There were 4 of us yesterday. We were sitting in the clubhouse drinking coffee waiting for the frost to lift. A club employee was telling the best player in our group how he should be changing his swing and doing this and that. The gentleman the "expert" was schooling is 77 years old and shoots his age a dozen or more times/year. As we left the clubhouse we all had a good laugh. The 77 year old should have been schooling the "expert"... not the other way. Play YOUR game! Hit the ball, find it, hit it again. Smell the fresh cut grass. Find someone to enjoy the game with where you can joke, laugh, applaud each other's good shots, and just have a good time with.

 

[Fairwaysplitter3320]

At age 66, you're playing golf!!!! I don't care what you shoot! It's a blessing to even be able to play this game. How many people our age don't have the physical or financial opportunity to do so. We all want to get better. It's just difficult to remember Golf is a dastardly game that will slap you in the face. Just about the time you believe you've found the secret to whittle a couple strokes off your score, another component of your game will go in the dumpster. That's why we keep coming back. We're going to beat this Game!! We're going to take her down and show her who's boss!! We're going to.......... That's golf!
Our weekday group includes 10 or 11 "regulars". Some days we will have 3 or 4. Other days we'll see all 10 or 11. Two in our group will break 90 once or twice/year. Others in the group will break 80 almost every time out. The most of us will see our games float between the upper 70's to the upper 80's. Every person in the group catches the same flack. There is no mercy for those who will card close to 100 on a given day. There is no mercy when the guy who shoots in the 70's ever day cards a score in the 80's. We're have fun. That's what golf is about. Just yesterday, we were talking about how lucky we are to have a group of "just good people" to enjoy most every morning with.

There were 4 of us yesterday. We were sitting in the clubhouse drinking coffee waiting for the frost to lift. A club employee was telling the best player in our group how he should be changing his swing and doing this and that. The gentleman the "expert" was schooling is 77 years old and shoots his age a dozen or more times/year. As we left the clubhouse we all had a good laugh. The 77 year old should have been schooling the "expert"... not the other way. Play YOUR game! Hit the ball, find it, hit it again. Smell the fresh cut grass. Find someone to enjoy the game with where you can joke, laugh, applaud each other's good shots, and just have a good time with.

^^^this

 

[Libre]

I not only play 3-4 times a week, sometimes, but I normally walk.
I spent most of my golf life trying to catch a round now and then but working and commuting in NYC took most of my time and I never could play as much as I wanted.

Today, I am retired in Albuquerque, NM. They have a deal here for seniors - I paid $1100 and I have unlimited golf for a year on any of the 5-6 public courses. One of them is great. The others are pretty good. But the great one is only 2 miles from my home.

And I just show up. There's rarely any wait. It's not like the courses are totally empty - no - but they're fairly empty most of the time, especially during the week. Sometimes I have to play alone - but I'm a good companion for myself - I play different games and just have fun. I also met a guy - also retired - and we hook up regularly. We both struggle but we love it. My problem is, when I have a bad hole it's REALLY bad. Otherwise I can shoot bogey and get the occasional par. But the several triples and quads prevent me from shooting better scores.

But I do love it. I'd be bored silly w/o it.
Well, I have other activities.
I also have a season lift ticket to 2 ski areas!

And I play classical guitar in a restaurant.

 

[PaPaD]

I not only play 3-4 times a week, sometimes, but I normally walk.
I spent most of my golf life trying to catch a round now and then but working and commuting in NYC took most of my time and I never could play as much as I wanted.

Today, I am retired in Albuquerque, NM. They have a deal here for seniors - I paid $1100 and I have unlimited golf for a year on any of the 5-6 public courses. One of them is great. The others are pretty good. But the great one is only 2 miles from my home.

And I just show up. There's rarely any wait. It's not like the courses are totally empty - no - but they're fairly empty most of the time, especially during the week. Sometimes I have to play alone - but I'm a good companion for myself - I play different games and just have fun. I also met a guy - also retired - and we hook up regularly. We both struggle but we love it. My problem is, when I have a bad hole it's REALLY bad. Otherwise I can shoot bogey and get the occasional par. But the several triples and quads prevent me from shooting better scores.

But I do love it. I'd be bored silly w/o it.
Well, I have other activities.
I also have a season lift ticket to 2 ski areas!

And I play classical guitar in a restaurant.

Sounds like a nice life!

 

[vincequest]

I'd say just be light hearted about it, but have the core message be the truth. "All good jokes contain true s**t"

 

[sssmokin]

Say: "My wife's out tonight. How about you swing by and we'll see what comes up."

Guaranteed to put distance between the both of you.