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Y'all are boring today

Discussion in 'No Golf For You!' started by eclark53520, Apr 16, 2013.

  1. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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  2. eclark53520

    eclark53520 DB Member Extraordinaire Supporting Member

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    Nope.
     
  3. limpalong

    limpalong Mental Ward Escapee Supporting Member

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  4. TheTrueReview

    TheTrueReview "Playing it straight" Supporting Member

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  5. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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    Did you know that oranges are actually male or female? If it squirts in your eye without warning, it's a male. And if it's bitter for no fucking reason, it's female.
     
  6. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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    The wife just called me. She said "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine's Day, they are absolutely gorgeous". I replied "That's probably why they've received flowers then".
     
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  7. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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    "It doesn't matter how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up". "That's not how field sobriety tests work" the police officer replied.
     
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  8. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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    A little old man shuffled slowly into and ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully up on a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The young waitress asked kindly "Crushed nuts?" "No" he replied "arthritis".
     
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  9. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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    I came home drunk last night and the wife wasn't happy. "How much have you had to drink?" she demanded, staring at me. "Nothing" I slurred. "Look at me!" she shouted "It's either me or the pub, which one is it?" I paused for a second and said "It's you, I can tell by the voice".
     
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  10. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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    TEACHER: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
    JOHNNY: "Seven".

    TEACHER: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
    JOHNNY: "Seven".

    TEACHER: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
    JOHNNY: "Six".

    TEACHER: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
    JOHNNY: "Seven!"

    TEACHER: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
    JOHNNY: "Because I've already got a fucking cat!"
     
  11. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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  12. ejdahl21

    ejdahl21 Never Lay Up Supporting Member

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    Please make copies and distribute accordingly.
     
  13. MCDavis

    MCDavis The Plaid Duffer Staff Member Moderator

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    It's not a political sign when it's the truth.
     
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  14. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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  15. eclark53520

    eclark53520 DB Member Extraordinaire Supporting Member

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    Fairwaysplitter3320 likes this.
  16. IrishGolfer

    IrishGolfer Fac ut gaudeam Supporting Member

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    Wow, rough night for me. I get my car serviced by a local mechanic, been doing our cars for the past 10 years or so. An older guy, always does a great job. I left my car in on Tuesday to get serviced, expecting to pick it up that evening. When I arrived the guy was in a bad way in his workshop. Ended up having to call the ambulance, think he might have been having a stroke. He lives alone with his dogs, the paramedics assumed I must have known him, they rushed off with him, leaving me along in this guys workshop. I managed to find his keys and mine (needless to say my car was not serviced) and locked up his workshop and house (adjoining) after feeding his dogs. I then dropped the keys off at the hospital, which was en route for me. He was still in the emergency room undergoing tests.

    He lives alone, no family to speak of. I got a call today from a friend who drives taxis, saying that this guy checked himself back out of hospital, even though he is still not well. I think this guy has a bit of a drink problem, his wife left him last year. Feel sorry for him, not sure what the right thing to do is.

    Guess I'll call in to see him in the next day or so, just to check he is OK. His heart is in the right place, just dealt a few bad cards I guess. Hmmm. Life is tough!
     
  17. limpalong

    limpalong Mental Ward Escapee Supporting Member

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    Lucky to have had a caring, honest person happen by. Left alone, he could have passed away. Or, he could have been robbed and left to die. Regardless, you did the right thing. Let's hope the medical scare can assist in getting his mind straight so he continues his business... and his time here on Earth.
     
    J.P.C. likes this.
  18. PaPaD

    PaPaD Club ho, geezer........ Supporting Member

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    Damn IG, hope that story ends well. Eeesh!
     
  19. eclark53520

    eclark53520 DB Member Extraordinaire Supporting Member

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    Getting upwards of 10" of snow here between tonight and tomorrow. I'm like it when these storms happen on Friday night, they can have it all cleaned up by the Monday morning commute.
     
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  20. limpalong

    limpalong Mental Ward Escapee Supporting Member

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    "Commute"? What's that? Must be something people who still have to work for a living endure. We retirees don't have such a word in our vocabulary!:D
     

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