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Y'all are boring today

Discussion in 'No Golf For You!' started by eclark53520, Apr 16, 2013.

  1. Splunge

    Splunge Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    limpalong likes this.
  2. limpalong

    limpalong Mental Ward Escapee Supporting Member

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    A doctor walks up to the patient and sadly says: "I’m sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live." The man says " 10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?" The doctor calmly replies “Nine”
     
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  3. TheTrueReview

    TheTrueReview "Playing it straight" Supporting Member

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  4. limpalong

    limpalong Mental Ward Escapee Supporting Member

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    Reminds me how agitated I get when people talk about their "hot water heater". There is no such thing! It's a WATER HEATER! Why would you need to heat "hot" water??? Dummies!!!:mad::mad:
     
  5. eclark53520

    eclark53520 DB Member Extraordinaire Supporting Member

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    Lets say you're going to change the air conditioning target temp on your thermostat from 74ºF to 72ºF.

    Are you turning up the air conditioning or turning it down?
     
  6. limpalong

    limpalong Mental Ward Escapee Supporting Member

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    You turn it DOWN to get cooler air... UP to get warmer air! Currently, this is a "blonde" topic that I have to face.

    Wife's car has the "AUTO" style heat/AC. All you need to do is punch 'AUTO' and choose the temp you want in the vehicle. If you want it warmer, you turn it up. If you want it cooler, turn it down. Easy? Not for a blonde!!!
    She will not use the "AUTO" during cooling months. Says the AC doesn't work. She turns it "up" to make the fan run faster and get it cooler. Of course, turning the temperature up only makes it warmer! So, she always switches to manual where she can turn the fan up or down herself. Sheesh! Can it really be that difficult??????
     
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  7. ejdahl21

    ejdahl21 Never Lay Up Supporting Member

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    For Mrs Limp

    MISSOURI HIGHWAY PATROL
    Service - Courtesy - Protection



    Bulletin No. 91-92


    DATE: February 1, 1995
    TO: All Missouri Law Enforcement Agencies
    All Motor Vehicle Dealers
    FROM: Missouri Highway Patrol
    SUBJECT: Automobile Dimmer Switches Required

    [​IMG]


    1. Pursuant to the Missouri Department of Motor Vehicle Act No. 91-92, all motor vehicles sold in the State of Missouri after February 1, 1995, will be required to have the headlight dimmer switch mounted on the floorboard. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch with the left foot. The switch must be far enough from the left foot pedals to avoid inadvertent operation or pedal confusion.


    2. Included in the Act, and beginning February 1, 1995, all other vehicles with steering column dimmer switches must be retrofitted with a floorboard mounted dimmer switch of the type described in section 1 above. The steering column mounted dimmer switch must be disabled or removed from the vehicle. Vehicles which have not made this change will FAIL the forthcoming Missouri Motor Vehicle Safety Inspection Program which is to follow.


    3. It is recognized that this will cause some hardship for the driving public. However, this change is being made in the interest of public safety. Missouri DMV Act 298-99877 will revert all Kansas operated motor vehicles to the prevalent dimmer switch in use prior to the influx of foreign market vehicles. A recent study entitled "Initiation Sequence in Missouri Nighttime Motor Traffic Accidents" was conducted jointly by the Missouri Highway Patrol and the Missouri State University, Department of Research. It has been show that 95% of all Missouri nighttime motor vehicle accidents are the direct result of a blonde getting her foot caught in the steering wheel while attempting to activate a column mounted dimmer switch.
     
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  8. TheTrueReview

    TheTrueReview "Playing it straight" Supporting Member

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  9. limpalong

    limpalong Mental Ward Escapee Supporting Member

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    Another "interesting" one from this morning's local police report. Evidently, he was a little too "graby".

    SETH TAYLOR GRABY, 36, Domestic battery; Knowing or reckless bodily harm to family/person in dating relationship Criminal damage to property; Without consent value < $1000 and Intimidation of witness or victim; Prevent reporting of victimization; Bond $2000
     
  10. TheTrueReview

    TheTrueReview "Playing it straight" Supporting Member

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  11. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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  12. Fairwaysplitter3320

    Fairwaysplitter3320 Recovering Equipment Ho...off the wagon again. Staff Member Admin

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    Admin Post
  13. TheTrueReview

    TheTrueReview "Playing it straight" Supporting Member

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  14. TheTrueReview

    TheTrueReview "Playing it straight" Supporting Member

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  15. TheTrueReview

    TheTrueReview "Playing it straight" Supporting Member

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  16. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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  17. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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    After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
     
  18. azgreg

    azgreg "Don't count that." Supporting Member

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    Michael J Fox was arrested today for shoplifting. Serves him right for trying to steal a tambourine.
     
  19. limpalong

    limpalong Mental Ward Escapee Supporting Member

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  20. PaPaD

    PaPaD Club ho, geezer........ Supporting Member

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    limpalong likes this.

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