1. Welcome To ShotTalk.com!

    We are one of the oldest and largest Golf forums on the internet with golfers from around the world sharing tips, photos and planning golf outings.

    Registering is free and easy! Hope to see you on the forums soon!

You might as well be brutally honest!

Discussion in 'Golf Pictures' started by EnglishGolfer, Feb 27, 2006.

  1. Eracer

    Eracer No more triple bogies!!

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2005
    Messages:
    12,405
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    188
    "I'm a lumberjack, and I'm OK. I sleeps all night and I works all day..."

    Hoping you are a Python fan (that's MONTY Python, for all you other sick-minded folks...), else I won't have anything else to do with ya'!
     
  2. token_hottie

    token_hottie token_mommy... oops!

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    580
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    166
    maple syrup, pythons and lumberjacks...

    sounds like the makings of a brokeback mountain sequel! :)
     
  3. EnglishGolfer

    EnglishGolfer Talks a good game

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2005
    Messages:
    845
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    168
    Of course and here is the best sketch of the lot

    Michael Palin: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable.
    Graham Chapman: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier wine, ay Gessiah?
    Terry Gilliam: You're right there Obediah.
    Eric Idle: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine?
    MP: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.
    GC: A cup ' COLD tea.
    EI: Without milk or sugar.
    TG: OR tea!
    MP: In a filthy, cracked cup.
    EI: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.
    GC: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
    TG: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
    MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness."
    EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.
    GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!
    TG: You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live in a corridor!
    MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph.
    EI: Well when I say "house" it was only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpaulin, but it was a house to US.
    GC: We were evicted from *our* hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake!
    TG: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road.
    MP: Cardboard box?
    TG: Aye.
    MP: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, out Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!
    GC: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!
    TG: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.
    EI: Right! I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."
    MP: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.
    ALL: Nope, nope..
     
  4. Eracer

    Eracer No more triple bogies!!

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2005
    Messages:
    12,405
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Brilliant of course, but what about this one?




    Man: Good morning, I'd like to buy a cat.

    Shopkeeper: Certainly sir. I've got a lovely terrier. [indicates a box on the counter]

    Man: no, I want a cat really.

    Shopkeeper: [taking box off counter and then putting it back on counter as if it is a different box] Oh yeah, how about that?

    Man: [looking in box] No, that's the terrier.

    Shopkeeper: Well, it's as near as, dammit.

    Man: Well what do you mean? I want a cat.

    Shopkeeper: Listen, tell you what. I'll file its legs down a bit, take its snout out, stick a few wires through its cheeks. There you are, a lovely ***** cat.

    Man: Its not a proper cat.

    Shopkeeper: What do you mean?

    Man: Well it wouldn't miaow.

    Shopkeeper: Well it would howl a bit.

    Man: No, no, no, no. Er, have you got a parrot?

    Shopkeeper: No, I'm afraid not. Actually guv, we're fresh out of parrots. I'll tell you what though ... I'll lop its back legs off, make good, strip the fur, stick a couple of wings on and staple on a beak of your own choice. [taking small box and rattling it] No problem. Lovely parrot.

    Man: How long would that take?

    Shopkeeper: Oh, let me see ... er, stripping the fur off, no legs ... [calling]Harry ... can you do a parrot job on this terrier straight away?

    Harry: [off-screen] No, I'm still putting a tuck in the Airedale, and then I got the frogs to let out.

    Shopkeeper: Friday?

    Man: No I need it for tomorrow. It's a present.

    Shopkeeper: Oh dear, it's a long job. You see parrot conversion ... Tell you what though - for free, terriers make lovely fish. I mean I could do that for you straight away. Legs off, fins on, stick a little pipe through the back of its neck so it can breathe, bit of gold paint, make good ...

    Man: You'd need a very big tank.

    Shopkeeper: It's a great conversation piece.

    Man: Yes, all right, all right ... but, er, only if I can watch.
     
  5. Big Brother Dunk

    Big Brother Dunk Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2005
    Messages:
    554
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    166
    It won't open for me.:(
     
  6. Big Brother Dunk

    Big Brother Dunk Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2005
    Messages:
    554
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    166
    By the way, great Monty Python posts!!! awww.websmileys.com_sm_fingers_fing32.
     
  7. EnglishGolfer

    EnglishGolfer Talks a good game

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2005
    Messages:
    845
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    168
    For some reason Putfile seems to be a little tempramental. You only want to see it because you want to get me back for what I said about your swing lol
     
  8. Big Brother Dunk

    Big Brother Dunk Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2005
    Messages:
    554
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    166
    HAH!:D

    Well it certainly can't be any worse than mine.
     
  9. Big Brother Dunk

    Big Brother Dunk Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2005
    Messages:
    554
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    166
    OK, I finally got the clip to work.

    What can I say? Nice swing! awww.websmileys.com_sm_fingers_fing32.
     
  10. Highline

    Highline Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2006
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    156
    :smilie_pi
     
  11. Bravo

    Bravo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2004
    Messages:
    5,822
    Likes Received:
    15
    Trophy Points:
    188
    I have tears flowing down my cheeks...these guys are just brilliant...
     
  12. Maverick

    Maverick *mmuah*

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    276
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    166
    you have a nice powerful swing..looks a little like Faldo/Norman.
     
  13. EnglishGolfer

    EnglishGolfer Talks a good game

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2005
    Messages:
    845
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    168
    Stop it, you'll make me blush [​IMG]

    Thanks for that. However I would never have picked either of those two players as they have very controlled swings and I find that mine is a bit hit and miss due to its "willowy-ness" (OK thats not a word, but you get my drift).

    I've just watched it again and I've just thought of someone that it is a little like. Do you remember Steve Pate the American chap who was in with a shout for a while in the 92(?) British Open. He had a flat plane too and a slight pause at the top of his swing which I almost have because i go slowly to build up as much power as I can without losing control comlpetely.

    BTW, just because you flattered me that doesn't mean I'm going to stump up and become a premium member too [​IMG]
     

Share This Page