Your Best Practical Jokes

[Bravo]

Bravo, you have my permission to continue.

OK here are the next two: How he got me and how I got him back....years later.

One Spring Break, we were both broke, and didn't have any $$ to go on a trip....so we stayed in Tuscaloosa working....I delivered pizzas and he worked construction. We both lived in the frat house at the time....the place has 26 BR's....he was President at the time and had a Passkey that would enable him to enter every room in the house.

So I came home from work one day and opened the door to my room. I smelled shit immediately. Really fresh shit. I didn't take so much as a moment to look for it and ran downstairs to his room and said, "Where is it you bastard?"

He starts laughing and goes up to my room and opens the top drawer to my desk. Inside is a newspaper with a large fresh pile of shit on it. He had dropped his drawers and taken a dump in my desk....

HOW I got him back....

Years later after graduation: One of our high school buddies (George, who went to Tennessee and got a degree in Dairy Science) lived outside Louisville KY and had a big diary farm. Every May, we would drive up there to spend a weekend with him. We would either attend the Indianapolis 500 or the Kentucky Derby. (The Indy 500 is the best sporting event I have ever attended by far).

Anyway, there were several of us and we took two cars to go up and back. He left on Sunday afternoon to come back to Birmingham early and I stayed a couple of hours later. After seeing cowshit in George's pastures all weekend....I got an idea. My friend Jimmy and I went into action,

We went into George's kitchen and got out about 25 ziplock sandwich bags. Then, we went out into the pasture and packed each of them with cowshit. Additionally, I got one large kitchen garbage bag (15 gallon) and filled it with shit. We then put all of this in the trunk and drove home.

He had an apartment at the time....living alone. While he was at work, we opened the door with the credit card trick. We took in all of the bags of shit and put them throughout the place....in his bedroom, under the bed, in the refrigerator, etc. (We didn't dump it out, but left it in the bags, but as you can imagine, there was a little on the outside of each one...)

Then, the crowing glory: I took the 15 gallon bag of loose shit and dumped it into the toilet. Filled it all the way to the top so that when you closed the lid, it would tamp down on top of the shitpile....

He was enraged when he came home....he knew that Jimmy and I were behind it because we drove home together. He called us and we promptly went over (you've just GOT to be there to revel in the glory personally!!!).

He made a move at Jimmy who was much smaller than him. I told him that if he hit him - we'd have it out and he would LOSE the GAME. He stopped.

We then got to watch him take his bare hands and scoop the shit out of his toilet....It was AWESOME!!! I am laughing my ass off the whole time....

More to come if everyone is not already bored to death.....

 

[Bravo]

OK I am in a good mood....here's the next one....

One guy in our frat house got drunk and passed out...hard out. His nickname was Fast Eddie Felton because he always had his hair perfectly coiffed and his clothes pressed perfectly. Never a hair out of place.

So he is passed out in his BR at the house. We get the key to the kitchem from the House Manager and start digging around in the pantry. We bring up several fun items....

First we cover him in maple syrup from head to toe. We then covered all of that in fresh coffee grounds. We put cucumbers over his eyes and covered his entire head in mustard and ketchup....

He was not a happy camper when he woke up....it was actually ants that got to him....attracted to the maple syrup. He had little antbites all over him for a week....looked like he had the measles....the ULTIMATE - Fast Eddie Felton looks like an idiot and there's nothing he can do about it....

 

[Bravo]

Two years after graduation, one of our friends gets married in Mobile. Several of us are groomsmen.

We go to the local pharmacy and load up on condoms. Put about 25 condoms in the right coat pocket of our tuxedos.

As we escort each of the mothers, aunts and grandmothers down the aisle of the church to where they are to be seated, we "shake hands" with each of them as they are sitting down. In our hand, as we 'shake' is a condom which is passed to the woman.....most of them took it amusedly....his grandmother even broke out laughing when I put hers into her hand.

Then, we took two and attached them to the tailpipes of the car. As they are leaving in their casual clothes after the reception, we start the car for him as a kind gesture before he gets in....

The condoms slowly begin to fill with exhaust gas....getting bigger and bigger. Of course at this point, all of the groomsmen are behind the car watching the action and pointing the condoms out to all of the adults in the area.

Finally they get in the car (oblivious to it all) and BOOM, BOOM.....

 

[Bravo]

Another guy from Mobile is getting married. His name is Eddie Bugg. Big Catholic wedding with a full mass that goes on for two hours. Several of us sneak out the back....

We head to the local bait shop and buy 200 crickets. Then, onto the grocery store for some Limberger cheese....

We find out where his car is located through superior intelligence and payoffs. (Secreting the location of your car was key for all of us when we got married. To have your security compromised on this issue was never a good situation for the groom).

We open the hood of the car and take off the air filter. We put the Limberger cheese around the carbureator and replace the filter and cover.

We then open the doors to the car and dump in the 200 crickets.

It was great when they came out in their casual clothes to get in and drive away after the reception....SHE in particular was stunned when dozens of crickets hopped all over her new suit as her door was opened for her.

We heard later from him that he got only 25 miles down the road before the stench from the engine compartment forced them to pull over. It took him about half an hour to locate the cheese and scrape it off the engine. Needless to say, his hands were pretty greasy at that point....

Oh well....enough for now. Gotta go to work....

 

[Bravo]

One of the best I ever heard from was a morning radio show here about 15 years ago...

Seems a fellow (Ted) was going to get married and in the final weeks leading up to the nuptials, he decided to "sow some wild oats" for the last time....so he went out and picked up a few chicks and shagged them...

It seems that a few days later, his Johnson started to burn when he urinated....really got worried that he had the Clap....so he went down to the County Health Department for an inexpensive test....

Allthewhile, he told one of his best friends of his predicament. The best friend calls a local radio station and tells them about it....

So one day, (without him knowing he's live on the air) the DJ's call the guy at work.....this is being broadcast to a coverage area of over 1 million people. Of course not all of them are listening to that station but in any event thousands and thousands heard this live....

Ring, Ring....

Receptionist: "State Farm Insurance...How can I help you?"

Radio DJ: "Ted Jones please. Jefferson County Health Department calling. It's urgent"

Ted Jones (nervously): "Hello?"

Radio DJ: "Mr. Jones, is this Mr. Ted Jones who came into our clinic for veneral disease testing last week?"

Ted Jones (weakly): 'yes'

Radio DJ: "Mr. Jones, we're calling about the results of your tests....we think you'd better come down to the office to discuss......

Ted Jones (Interrupting): OHIMIGOSH!!! Did it come out positive? What do I have?

Radio DJ (clearing his throat): "Well Mr. Jones, I don't think this is something we can discuss on the phone...it's pretty serious and you'd better come down here and.....

Ted Jones (Frantic): OHMIGOD - I'm getting married day after tomorrow.....PLEASE....

Radio Studio Crew: Erupts in loud laughter....

It takes the DJ a few seconds to compose himself, identify himself and explain that they are live on WMJJ radio.....

Ted Jones almost faints on the phone....and the line goes dead............................

 

[warbirdlover]

When we were kids (11-12 years old) sssmokin and I had a buddy (Buzzy Schultz) who had two ugly, bratty, little half-sisters (his stepmom was evil). We collected baseball cards with the square gum inside and they would hound us until we gave them some gum. We concocted a sinister plan... and pissed on some gum squares, re-wrapped them nicely (after they dried out) and were "opening" our new packs of baseball cards when the sisters came running up begging. We gave them the gum and they chowed down. One of them says "ewwwwwww, this gum tastes FUNNY". We were rolling on the ground laughing so hard our sides hurt. :laugh:

 

[Jules150]

Great stories bravo and WBL keep em coming!!!

 

[Bravo]

OK here are two more from high school...much more innocent but we had fun with them...

I had two friends who lived next door to each other. The garages were on the sides of the houses and faced each other.

One of the fellows was of Greek ancestry and his grandmother from the old country lived with them. She spoke almost no English and was puzzled about many things in America. She did not drive and stayed home all day long, while the rest of the family was out working (dad), running errands (mom) or going to school (the boys).

They had an automatic garage door opener and when Grandma heard the door opening, she knew it meant the arrival of a family member. She would anticipate that they would walk inside within a minute of the door opening... the family had about five cars and all of them had a garage door opener.

So we stole the electric transmitter out of Tim's car and waited until one afternoon when everyone was out of their house, except the grandmother.

We'd stand over in Steve's garage (which faced Tim's) and press the transmitter....of course the door would open....and we'd stand there waiting for Grandma to open the door from the kitchen and look out....puzzled....no car.

So she would push the button on the wall in the garage to let the door back down....

We'd wait 60 seconds and raise the door again....once again, Grandma peeks out from the kitchen door looking for a car in the garage....she'd press the button on the wall to lower the door back down.

We cycle through this a few times and finally she starts cursing loudly in Greek! We burst out laughing and are caught in the bushes.

Mr. Vakakes was not a happy camper when he came home that night...............

 

[Bravo]

Here's another innocent one (I'm saving more of my dirtier ones for later).

We'd go to the school library SUPPOSEDLY to study. Then, we would go over to the magazine section and pull out hobby magazines that we had no interest in whatsoever....

Remember those 'subscription reply cards' that were enclosed in each magazine? Just remove it, fill in the address and that would start a new subscription to that magazine....along with a bill.

So one day we pull out the following magazines, fill in the name of one of friend's dads and dropped them all in the mail at once.

1) Birdwatching Digest.
2) Modern Archery.
3) Pravda - the official newspaper of the Soviet Union.
4) Guide to building Birdhouses for Fun and Profit.
5) American Welder.
6) Journal of the American Society of Philatelists.
7) Trucking Digest
8) Disability Product News
9) Retail Packaging for Fun and Profit
10) American Sawmill Digest
11) Journal of the American Society of Shoemakers
12) Leathercraft Digest.

As you could imagine about six weeks later, their mailbox was flooded with all of these magazines that his dad had no interest in whatsoever (he was a mortgage banker who played golf for a hobby).

And no matter how many times he asked all of us who did it, we never snitched......took his dad forever to get his name off all of their lists....but I gotta say he was a good sport about it - because when we came over a few weeks later, he gave us a tip of the hat for creativity.

 

[warbirdlover]

Bravo, you've got me in tears! :biglol:Keep 'em coming!!

 

[lildudejds]

Good stories Bravo. I DEMAND MORE STORIES!

 

[Bravo]

I've got PIctures

Everyone has heard the phrase, "I've got pictures"....

So one of my buddies is getting married in Mobile. We go down on WEDNESDAY for a Saturday wedding and party constantly. By the time the wedding came and went - we were exhausted.

Of the coast of Alabama, there is an island named Dauphin Island. This is a narrow spit of land in the ocean, connected to the mainland by a two lane bridge....the island is largely unspoiled, with single family beach houses dominating it. There's just one small grocery store. Very peaceful and very private. NO hotels and NO condos........and (from a practical standpoint....)NO cops - although the Sheriff technically has jurisdiction, there's just no crime out there.

Although it has grown over the years....it was totally secluded way back in 1979....

Dauphin Island, Alabama - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

So we had been hitting the strip joints all week and we hired a couple of girls to come out to the beach for an evening.

First, we had a big Shrimp Boil....get the big pot and put it on the butane burner and put in about 25 pounds of shrimp straight from the ocean (via the local seafood market)....Bayou La Batre Shrimp... Bayou La Batre, Alabama - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

We've also got a big keg of beer and by 9:00, we are loaded with both shrimp and beer....the girls are ready to go....

So, it kind of.......turns into......what you might..........errr expect.

Lots of Unlimited Personal Service (UPS) from the girls for Everyone.

Now the groom is last and he lays on his back. One girl is on his waist, humping him for all its worth and the other is sitting on his face with her bush next to his chin.

I get out my camera and get some great shots of it....one of them shows him smiling broadly with the 'throat beard'....

Anyways, I kept the photos for about 20 years. He begged me for them and I would never give them up. Finally, some thing came over me and I turned them over to him...we had a big laugh.....

 

[Bravo]

Here's another from the innocent but fun category....

My friend (the same one I had the Practical Joke War with) has been asking out a girl repeatedly and she finally says yes. He is really excited about how Totally Hot she is and he can't wait for the date.

I get into his room and go to the closet. He's got six pairs of shoes in there.

I take the left shoe from one pair and the right shoe from the other. Only six shoes remain in the closet. Of course none of them match at all.....

On Friday night at six, he comes to my room pleading for me to return the shoes....he's got black, brown, tan and cordovan shoes left, but none of them match.

I tell him I had nothing to do with it....so he goes on the date with a left brown loafer and a right cordovan loafer....

Later, he told me she thought it was funny and she lauded him for his creativity....

 

[chollyred]

Bravo, I'm surprised you've lived this long!

I had a buddy getting married. His twin brother decided to throw him a bachelor party. These guys were REAL straight laced, maybe 1-2 beers a year. A bunch of us more experienced guys started toasting the groom-to-be on his upcoming wedding. We were doing shots of schnapps. Thing was that he had to drink a shot for every toast while we were only drinking to OUR toast. It didn't take long for him to get hammered and pass out. We took a pair of hot-dog tongs, pulled out his ...*ahem*... and painted it with Mercurochrome. His bride was not amused.

 

[Bravo]

Bravo, I'm surprised you've lived this long!

I had a buddy getting married. His twin brother decided to throw him a bachelor party. These guys were REAL straight laced, maybe 1-2 beers a year. A bunch of us more experienced guys started toasting the groom-to-be on his upcoming wedding. We were doing shots of schnapps. Thing was that he had to drink a shot for every toast while we were only drinking to OUR toast. It didn't take long for him to get hammered and pass out. We took a pair of hot-dog tongs, pulled out his ...*ahem*... and painted it with Mercurochrome. His bride was not amused.

Now that's a goodie Cholly. I give you a thumbs up....

As I have said here, I am 52 and when all the old buddies get together (many now are very religious) - we do indeed say that "By the Grace of God we are here".

I cannot tell you why we were so nutz - but we were.....I am an old fogey now....but at least I am satisfied that I've had my share of fun in my lifetime....