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Big Match at the Port

IrishGolfer

Fac ut gaudeam
Supporting Member
Sep 1, 2004
6,545
4,979
Sooooooooo....

The gauntlet has yet again been thrown down. Yet again I'm offering my ass on a plate to all comers. "Come and take a piece of me, suckas!!"

Monday 16 May sees a 36 hole challenge match in Portstewart between Kilted Arab (aka Mister Bater), Dave Ireland and perhaps The Master (if he can skip a day of school).

Should be a mega day, as long as we get decent weather. 18 holes round the easier Riverside Course (see intimidating pic of IG playing the 5th), a spot of lunch and then the real challenge, 18 holes round the Strand (Championship).

And the form? KA is warming up with a week's golf in Scotland. Dave has just dialled in his Sonartecs and is talking a good game. The Master now has experience of the Strand. So all these factors need to be taken into account. And now that my equipment is damaged beyond repair, I must be at a disadvantage. Right?

If I can just get the rough up, the wind to howl, the greens like glass etc. just to scare the pants off these dudes. I've got my suspicions that DI and KA are both well travelled sandbaggers, so h/c certs. will be examined in advance. As for the Master, he's history before he even hits his opening drive. ;). I can't wait to see how Mister Bater and The Master get on, being family and all!! LOL.

Any suggestions for format? Wagers? I'm thinking of hiring a TV crew for this one. Should be plenty of good footage.
 
S

spankdoggie

Guest
IG, you are kicking the master's ass like a fag. He is your bitch to own.

That is my bet. I was right the first time, and I am right, this time, too...

I just don't think The Master has the skill to beat you... not even close, and he lied about the turkey... never came clean... hope he comes clean with the bet this time, though... I am rooting for him to be honest after you kick his ass...
 

Bravo

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2004
5,822
15
It's gonna be great...wish we had some video capabilities....

I propose the following:

1) Play a 36 hole Stableford for the individual championship. $10 per player. TM must reduce his hc by 2 strokes as penalty for welching on the first match.

2) In the morning, you and DI play TM and KA in a $3 Nassau, automatic 2 down press, $1 trash.

3) In the afternoon, you and KA play DI and TM in the same wager.

Go in the pub/grill after the round and have a few pints. Have your waiter serve a large turkey to the group. All the other members will be puzzled. Explain in a loud speech to everyone in the grill why you are serving turkey in May.

Have the local constable/police outside.

If TM welchs again, have him arrested for underaged drinking.
 

buddha33

aka Dick Ramser
Aug 31, 2004
390
0
This sounds like a great time. I may have to use the kid's college fund to fly over there for this.
 
OP
IrishGolfer

IrishGolfer

Fac ut gaudeam
Supporting Member
Sep 1, 2004
6,545
4,979
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #5
Bravo said:
It's gonna be great...wish we had some video capabilities....

I propose the following:

1) Play a 36 hole Stableford for the individual championship. $10 per player. TM must reduce his hc by 2 strokes as penalty for welching on the first match.

2) In the morning, you and DI play TM and KA in a $3 Nassau, automatic 2 down press, $1 trash.

3) In the afternoon, you and KA play DI and TM in the same wager.

Go in the pub/grill after the round and have a few pints. Have your waiter serve a large turkey to the group. All the other members will be puzzled. Explain in a loud speech to everyone in the grill why you are serving turkey in May.

Have the local constable/police outside.

If TM welchs again, have him arrested for underaged drinking.

Maybe I'll just tell his Dad. He'll be grounded for a month!
As for the video I've just got a 512MB chip for the camera and will have the battery bulging with charge. I plan to take a lot of video snippets.
 

bdcrowe

ST Homeland Security
Aug 30, 2004
2,207
276
I will volunteer my services a cameraman for the mere cost of airfare, lodging, food and golf. Oh hell, I'll feed myself and pay greenies. Just fly me over and pitch me a tent, and I'll act as camera man, video editor, and arm-breaker of welchers. Think about it.
 

DaveE

The golfer fka ST Champ
Aug 31, 2004
3,986
3
If Dave, KA and TM want to fly me over, I'll bring those left handed clubs for IG to play with. That should even things up a bit.

Hell, I'll even bring some real whiskey for after....or before....or during. Who I am I kidding, it wouldn't survive the plane ride. :D
 

Dave Ireland

I'm sizzlin tonite
Aug 31, 2004
1,388
0
Bravo said:
It's gonna be great...wish we had some video capabilities....

I propose the following:

1) Play a 36 hole Stableford for the individual championship. $10 per player. TM must reduce his hc by 2 strokes as penalty for welching on the first match.

2) In the morning, you and DI play TM and KA in a $3 Nassau, automatic 2 down press, $1 trash.

3) In the afternoon, you and KA play DI and TM in the same wager.

Go in the pub/grill after the round and have a few pints. Have your waiter serve a large turkey to the group. All the other members will be puzzled. Explain in a loud speech to everyone in the grill why you are serving turkey in May.

Have the local constable/police outside.

If TM welchs again, have him arrested for underaged drinking.

LMAO ......... 1st giggle of the day Bravo ... I'm just playing so bad at the moment ...that if it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all... I just hope IG, TM and KA could show some leniency and give me a shot a hole, and when I lose they might settle for half the wager as 2 of my kids are a terrible burden financially, but then they only have the 1 dad and I can't look into their doe-like eyes and tell them "no they can't have a dinner tonight", coz their dad has a gambling addiction .... sigh.......

Btw ..... scored a nice digi camera on ebay which I hope will arrive in time so as the 7 hour round trip wont be a complete waste of time...... Bravo will you have a word with them, they respect you ...;)
 

Bravo

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2004
5,822
15
Dave Ireland said:
it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all... I just hope IG, TM and KA could show some leniency and give me a shot a hole, and when I lose they might settle for half the wager as 2 of my kids are a terrible burden financially, but then they only have the 1 dad and I can't look into their doe-like eyes and tell them "no they can't have a dinner tonight", coz their dad has a gambling addiction .... sigh.......;)

The classic "poormouthing" that is usually done on the first tee!!

(You're just starting two weeks early...)

Sneak out for a quick lesson. I had one last night and it was a great tonic for my ailing game.
 
OP
IrishGolfer

IrishGolfer

Fac ut gaudeam
Supporting Member
Sep 1, 2004
6,545
4,979
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #10
Dave Ireland said:
I'm just playing so bad at the moment ...that if it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all... I just hope IG, TM and KA could show some leniency and give me a shot a hole, and when I lose they might settle for half the wager as 2 of my kids are a terrible burden financially, but then they only have the 1 dad and I can't look into their doe-like eyes and tell them "no they can't have a dinner tonight", coz their dad has a gambling addiction .... sigh.......

You see, this is typical of the sandbagging tactics used by Sombrero golfers. Dave cries for mercy (iow 5 shots a side) and then cruises round in a 78ish to take the cash and the Turkey. I've seen it so many times. He'll pitch up with the latest unscratched technology, dressed like Tiger Woods and throwing his Euros all over the place. I plan to "talk Dave into techological submission" when I remind him that his 3 wood is probably 1 degree too shallow for his single swing plane and that his shaft is far too whipy for a man with a 135kph swing speed (converted to metric these days). He'll be thinking too much to make a decent swing.

Next will come Kilted Arab, "overgolfed, tired, emotional etc." from his fortnight's golfing in Scotland. Once he fires up on some real whiskey, he too will shoot the lights out, with a stash of shots even Dick Turpon would be ashamed / embarassed of. I'll just remind him that the Scots are even further down the global food chain that the Irish, so much so that singularly failed to copy a fairly simple drink and ruined it for everyone round the world. He will be so ashamed golf will be of no consequence.

Then Teh Master will arrive talking trash. Monkey Sex boy will probably short -side himeslf on the shots question so I'm not worried about him. If he doesn't have his stake money with him up front we are all going to help ourselves to his equipment, golf balls etc. He will end up playing the round with a 2 iron.

btw Dave do you know that you will be picking up Teh Master en route to Portstewart. Once you get to the Westlink in Belfast look for the guy having sex with a Monkey. I guess you will be in Belfast around 7.30am ish. I'll PM with further details.

More to follow....
 

Mister Bater

Well-Known Member
Jan 13, 2005
117
0
IrishGolfer said:
Sooooooooo....

The gauntlet has yet again been thrown down. Yet again I'm offering my ass on a plate to all comers. "Come and take a piece of me, suckas!!"

Monday 16 May sees a 36 hole challenge match in Portstewart between Kilted Arab (aka Mister Bater), Dave Ireland and perhaps The Master (if he can skip a day of school).

Should be a mega day, as long as we get decent weather. 18 holes round the easier Riverside Course (see intimidating pic of IG playing the 5th), a spot of lunch and then the real challenge, 18 holes round the Strand (Championship).

And the form? KA is warming up with a week's golf in Scotland. Dave has just dialled in his Sonartecs and is talking a good game. The Master now has experience of the Strand. So all these factors need to be taken into account. And now that my equipment is damaged beyond repair, I must be at a disadvantage. Right?

If I can just get the rough up, the wind to howl, the greens like glass etc. just to scare the pants off these dudes. I've got my suspicions that DI and KA are both well travelled sandbaggers, so h/c certs. will be examined in advance. As for the Master, he's history before he even hits his opening drive. ;). I can't wait to see how Mister Bater and The Master get on, being family and all!! LOL.

Any suggestions for format? Wagers? I'm thinking of hiring a TV crew for this one. Should be plenty of good footage.

an EXCELLENT report but wun thing i am not KA and he is not me i am fed up sayeing it but here we go again.

my boy will be their if he keeps his nose cleen and does his share of potato digging he is a lazy so and so dispite the thrashings.

And do not offer yuor "ass on a plate" to my boy he is liabel to take yuo up on it he is dirty, a dirty and notty pervert.

i wish you luck you are a countryman and remember YOULL NEVR BEAT THE IRISH!
 

Dave Ireland

I'm sizzlin tonite
Aug 31, 2004
1,388
0
Phackin Classic Irish !!!!! .. you're a scream ...I'm lookin forward to it ... I don't care how bad I play so long as there's no "Bear in the Woods" pic that Sling agreed to pose for in Yale ;)
 

Mister Bater

Well-Known Member
Jan 13, 2005
117
0
Dave Ireland said:
Phackin Classic Irish !!!!! .. you're a scream ...I'm lookin forward to it ... I don't care how bad I play so long as there's no "Bear in the Woods" pic that Sling agreed to pose for in Yale ;)

i beleev it was 'bare in the woods' that was the scary bit i think. that mr sling looks like a big old bear and the thought of seeing him doing a naked charge through the undergrowth frightens the taters out my botty, i can tell yuo.
 

Bravo

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2004
5,822
15
Yes ladies and gentlemen - MB is indeed not KA and is reporting in today from a location a bit east of The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland/Republic of Ireland.

He is committed to carrying on in KA's absence whilst he is home in Scotland golfing his brains out.

The poormouthing and trash talking is reaching epic proportions!

Let's get some indexes down now...MB please report for KA...surely you know the man's index.

Golfers report in your current CONGU indexes to Chairman Bravo now...
 

Mister Bater

Well-Known Member
Jan 13, 2005
117
0
Bravo said:
Yes ladies and gentlemen - MB is indeed not KA and is reporting in today from a location a bit east of The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland/Republic of Ireland.

He is committed to carrying on in KA's absence whilst he is home in Scotland golfing his brains out.

The poormouthing and trash talking is reaching epic proportions!

Let's get some indexes down now...MB please report for KA...surely you know the man's index.

Golfers report in your current CONGU indexes to Chairman Bravo now...


Mister Bravo at LAST a voice of reeson!

KA is currently in Singapore for work and personal reesons and if i know him the personal will be more importunt.

As i hav sed before, i work with KA and indeed i shal be joyning him in Scotland the weak before he gets a thrashing from Irish Gulfer.

I think KA goes to Scotland in 2 or 3 days time then I shall be with him for one weak before he goes tro ireland i shall soften him up good and proper i can tell you.

my photo has bean posted on GR before that sneeky KA did it I was standing on swilken bridge.

Yuo are a good man mr bravo, a very good man.
 

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