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Well-Known Member
Aug 16, 2007
Someone made the mistake of mentioning Didka Jokes, and it reminded me of the Chuck norris Jokes.
1.Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris Kills people.
2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.
3.Chuck Norris does not sleep, He Waits.
4.The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain
5. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist
6.Chuck Norris has 2 speeds. Walk and Kill.
7. The leading causes of death in the united states are 1. Heart Disease 2.Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
8.Chuck Norris drives an icecream truck covered in skulls.
9.Chuck Norris is my homeboy
10.Chuck Norris does not go hunting... Chuck Norris GOES KILLING!
11. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
12. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
13. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
14. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
15.Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
16. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
17. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
18. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
19. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
20. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
21. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
22. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
23. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
24.Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
25. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
26.There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris
27. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
28. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
29. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.
30.Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
chuck norris jokes


El Tigre Blanco
Jul 26, 2005
Some of those are funny but most are just stupid. Probably because Chuck Norris really is NOT intimidating in any way whatsoever. I like most of those better than the ones you highlighted, too.


Well-Known Member
Aug 16, 2007
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #3
I agree but I just liked them.. and I agree most are VERY stupid, but it was worth some of the reading.

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