Farquod
Short Game Tragedy
- Mar 8, 2005
- 1,165
- 0
I've been doing a good bit of traveling this year, boys, and I must say there is one habit of my fellow passengers that just sets my teeth on edge. And it only happens in coach, which, of course, is all my cheap ass (and my cheap-ass clients, btw) will allow.
That is people who WHAM their seats back with no warning.
No , "Excuse me, I'd like a little nap. Please watch your legs as I take up half your space."
No, "Sorry, bud, but the asshat in front of me has just fallen in my lap, and the only place I have to go is back."
No, "Hi big boy. I'm gonna lay down in your lap in a sec. You might want to move that silly computer out of the way so I have a clean shot at Mr. Willy!"
No, "Yo, I just saw Miss Congeniality, and I want to SING my way into your life. This week, I have a special on knee capping...."
This is getting really annoying. The nice young woman I sat behind last night SLAMMED back into my knees, then reloaded and did it again when the seat didn't go all the way down (my tibia was caught in the seat hinge, and took me a second to remove. Remember, they don't allow pocket knives on board anymore, so a below-the-knee amputation was out of the question. Go figure.)
Several cunning comments did not even get me an acknowledgement. My best one was, "AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Poetry, I know.
It's a Charlie Brown thing. You know, the Lucy pulling-the-football-out-of-the-way-when-he's-trying-to-kick-it thing. Sheesh.
Finally, as we're descending into Newark, the flight steward (& what's up with that, BTW?) gets on the horn and tells us to tidy up for landing, I lean forward and say, "I'll take my knees back now, thanks!" She sits straight up, and leaves the seat back in my lap for a good additional minute as she takes her headphones off, checks her makeup, sharpens her eye teeth, & teases a stray vein out from between her incisors.
I hit my call light, and that seat back shoots forward faster than you can say "Ann Rice!"
"Can I help you?" Comes the query from my left, as the flight attendant reaches smoothly over to shut off the light. "Yes, thanks," I answer. Would you ask her (nodding my head forward) to please pass my kneecaps back? I'm sure she has quite a collection, but I'm fond of mine."
A blank look.
"No? Thanks anyway."
A cheery smile returns mine.
After landing, the woman tries to make conversation. Turns out she was just listening to a book on tape. Guess you gotta do that lying down.
"What was it?" I inquire sweetly.
"CS Lewis" she answers, a mocking smirk on her lips.
"Must be 'The Screwtape Letters,'" I answer, incredulous of my luck. (It's the only title I remember from Lewis, and it fits. God does indeed have a sense of humor, it seems.)
A shocked, blank look. No more banter from the row in front, but a titter of laughter from those within earshot.
Almost worth the traction. But no matter, my doctor says I'll be fine in a month.
So remember, fellow travelers, we're all in this together. To borrow a line from Guptapants from another time and place, "Can't we all just get along?"
Manners matter.
That is people who WHAM their seats back with no warning.
No , "Excuse me, I'd like a little nap. Please watch your legs as I take up half your space."
No, "Sorry, bud, but the asshat in front of me has just fallen in my lap, and the only place I have to go is back."
No, "Hi big boy. I'm gonna lay down in your lap in a sec. You might want to move that silly computer out of the way so I have a clean shot at Mr. Willy!"
No, "Yo, I just saw Miss Congeniality, and I want to SING my way into your life. This week, I have a special on knee capping...."
This is getting really annoying. The nice young woman I sat behind last night SLAMMED back into my knees, then reloaded and did it again when the seat didn't go all the way down (my tibia was caught in the seat hinge, and took me a second to remove. Remember, they don't allow pocket knives on board anymore, so a below-the-knee amputation was out of the question. Go figure.)
Several cunning comments did not even get me an acknowledgement. My best one was, "AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Poetry, I know.
It's a Charlie Brown thing. You know, the Lucy pulling-the-football-out-of-the-way-when-he's-trying-to-kick-it thing. Sheesh.
Finally, as we're descending into Newark, the flight steward (& what's up with that, BTW?) gets on the horn and tells us to tidy up for landing, I lean forward and say, "I'll take my knees back now, thanks!" She sits straight up, and leaves the seat back in my lap for a good additional minute as she takes her headphones off, checks her makeup, sharpens her eye teeth, & teases a stray vein out from between her incisors.
I hit my call light, and that seat back shoots forward faster than you can say "Ann Rice!"
"Can I help you?" Comes the query from my left, as the flight attendant reaches smoothly over to shut off the light. "Yes, thanks," I answer. Would you ask her (nodding my head forward) to please pass my kneecaps back? I'm sure she has quite a collection, but I'm fond of mine."
A blank look.
"No? Thanks anyway."
A cheery smile returns mine.
After landing, the woman tries to make conversation. Turns out she was just listening to a book on tape. Guess you gotta do that lying down.
"What was it?" I inquire sweetly.
"CS Lewis" she answers, a mocking smirk on her lips.
"Must be 'The Screwtape Letters,'" I answer, incredulous of my luck. (It's the only title I remember from Lewis, and it fits. God does indeed have a sense of humor, it seems.)
A shocked, blank look. No more banter from the row in front, but a titter of laughter from those within earshot.
Almost worth the traction. But no matter, my doctor says I'll be fine in a month.
So remember, fellow travelers, we're all in this together. To borrow a line from Guptapants from another time and place, "Can't we all just get along?"
Manners matter.
Canada
