"When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris."
"Chuck Norris can divide by zero."
"Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own."
"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."
"Bullets dodge Chuck Norris."
"Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights."
"There is no such thing as evolution, only a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live."
Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
God wanted to create the world in 10 days. Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one, purely for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris does not go hunting because "hunting" implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.