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Golfger from Hell - revisited

wirehair

Life's too short to drink cheap wine.
Apr 29, 2005
2,489
3
I've seen these posts before & always thought restraint was the way to go. Ok - I had one of those Guys.

I went out single this AM, the course threw me into a twosome. That's usually OK but today...

On the first hole, I noticed one of the guys had a hat from Harvard Law School & reverse prejudice set in, but he wasn't bad, it was his buddy. NEVER SHUT HIS MOUTH. I swear he's gonna wear out his jaws. He announced thay like to play fast & I think OK, this is good. Then on the third, he fires his drive into the water (lateral) Then says " that didn't happen", he walks back to the cart & gets another ball - didn't have one in his pocket, but wants to play fast. This is still the third hole & the jury's still out.

Twe holes later same thing - this didn't happen, walks back gets ball & fires second one into the water, he throws his driver & walks back to the cart, gets a third ball, retrieves his driver & hits again. [The jury's in, this guys a jerk]

About 7, Harvard has a bad hole, & calls out "snowman" Jerk, questions him "You gonna count that penalty?" This feces goes on the whole round!

About 16, I've got a makeable 10 foot birdie putt (this is rare & I'm mentally doing my happy dance & trying to focus). Jerk putts across & has a 5 foot comeback, He's right in my line, so he stomps across the green right down in my line, sets up in front of me, & jacks his putt past the hole. He then stomps back down my line & picks up, then announced "I'll take that for a bogey" - gotta be +3. Right now my tongue is bleeding from biting it, I look up at Harvard & he rolls his eyes. I don't know if Harvard realizes that he just saved his buddies life, but I laughed rather that shoving Scotty up the jerks ASS! I missed the putt!

I've not been playing long, but this guy is the worst golf partner I've ever seen. I've never before (& hope never again) watched someone fat a wedge shot or miss a putt & was pleased.
 

Slingblade61

Well-Known Member
Supporting Member
Aug 26, 2004
6,046
129
LOL!

I love stories like that, it makes my lawnmowerman story seem tame.

It sucks to be paired with such a classeless twit but now telling the story over and over for the next few weeks to your friends will act like a salve on your frazzled nerves. :)
 

Bravo

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2004
5,822
15
Your story shows that money, education and class are not necessarily equated.

He acted like a true jerk...sorry about your experience.

And I am glad you had that chance at birdie.
 

IrishGolfer

Fac ut gaudeam
Supporting Member
Sep 1, 2004
6,545
4,979
There is a place in Golfing Hell for guys like this.

Everyone has some experience of these situations. This story reminds me of a time when I worked in Scotland. I worked for an insurance company and they were really into their golf, so just about every fortnight in the Summer there was an outing to a decent course. There was also a tournamant league and from memory I was doing fairly well in it.

Anyway, in one of the outings I was paired with an Equities directors. This dude was one of those arrogant stuck up Oxbridge educated guys. Now I will play golf with anyone, come rain or shine. Good, bad, as long as everyone is having fun and keeping up. But this dude from the start spelled trouble. He had all the gear, but looked like it was one of his first ever rounds. His swing was terrible and his regard for the game was horrible. It was all about him!

So we played the first and he had something like a 10, on a straight away par 3. He was determined to finish out his four putt.

It took us something like 25 minutes to play our opening hole with a crowd back on the tee. As it was the first hole, I didn't like to interject, but I felt I had to say something. It was a stableford competition I remined him, "so after playing 5 shots you are scoring Zip". So on the next tee, I said to him about not "having to finish out every" shot, just to keep things moving.

"But I'd like to finish out as I want to mark my score" he responded. So we end up letting three groups play through on the front nine, all down to this guy. It took us 3 hours to play. I was beginning to brew like Mount Etna here. At one point a light shower of rain came on. This guy decides to gear up, so by the time he has everything on, we have finished putting out and he is still on the tee! Of a par 4! Can you Fxxxing believe that? We had to wait on the next tee for this guy to finish out. He comes off the green, not a word of apology, saying he scored a 7! He then proceeded to remove all of his gear (as meticiously as he put it on). This dude is pure GOLD!

Now here is the dilemma. This guy is a director. Yours truly is merely a grunt. So do I scream at him and tell him what a jerk he is? I have already tried as subtley as I can that we are falling way behind. Do I walk in? At this point I am -1 for my round, so I am going well. The other dude in the group is having a miserable time and I can tell he wants to head for the bar.

I made a judgement call to play on. There was food afterwards, and if we walked we would have to wait for everyone else anyway, so best just to keep going. My fellow suffering partner probably agreed that it would be bad form to walk in. Anyways, long and short of it was that I finished +2 to lose out by a shot. This guy shoots something like 120 and he is beaming with pride. No-one can look him in the eye.

I remember getting into the clubhouse and kicking a trash receptacle in the locker room. One of my buddies was crying with laughter. Turns out it is like getting the Black Spot having to play with this guy. He's like this all the time and everyone hates being drawn with him.

Surely there must be a golfing Hell for guys like this.

An interesting PS to this tale. About 2 years after this experience I was in London, chatting up a rather nice looking chick in a bar. I can't quite remember the full chit-chat but it was along the lines of

Fox - "Oh, you used to work for ScotEq in Edinburgh?"
Me (in Dude speak) "Yeah"
Fox - "Do you know a guy called XXXXXXXX"
Me - "Yeah, that guy is a complete *******, rant, rant rant"
Long pause
Fox - "Oh, he's my uncle"
Long pause....
Me - "....I'll just get my coat... Nice chatting to you.... bye..." :eek:

Imagine a game of golf ruining my chances with a Fox?
 

Bravo

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2004
5,822
15
Greeat story! You did the right thing at the time though...staying on the course.

And you should have shagged the chick anyway. Or at least said something like, "Well - it looks good on you!!"
 

DaveE

The golfer fka ST Champ
Aug 31, 2004
3,986
3
I had a good ending to what looked like a bad experience yesterday. I went out late figuring on an empty course because of the heat. Summer has come early and we're already in the mid and upper 90s.

There were a few people on the course but I still managed to play 18 in 2 1/2 hours, not bad. On the third nine, I came up on an old guy, (yes there are people older than me) chipping to the green. After his chip he walked over to another ball and chips again, and then the third.......

Now I'm only about 120 yds. from the green and I'm thinking, CAN'T HE SEE ME. Well after I caught up with him on the next tee box I found out he couldn't. He was one of our many volunteers out picking up the trash for the day and said he thought he might as well hit a few and asked me to play in with him.

He asked me to keep an eye on his shot because he had a tough time following the ball. Following it hell, if it didn't land on the green or the center of fairway he had no chance of finding it. I mean the guy couldn't watch a shot over 50 yds. but he was really a nice guy and I enjoyed playing with him.

I also enjoyed watching the quality of the shots he could make. You'd have to see him to understand but he looks like he's about two weeks away from his first walker. His back is hunched and he looks stiff but every shot was a clean and straight.

You just never know what's gonna happen on the course I guess. :)
 

Silver

I don't have a handicap.
Dec 5, 2004
1,863
1
Well, after playing all weekend with a large group of friends (12 guys), I got grouped up with a mixed bag guy on both days.

He's a good friend of my good friend (the one getting married) and is really nice. But...I'm not sure if he's figured out that he doesn't need to comment on EVERY SINGLE SHOT he hits. He's not being rude or trying to be annoying or anything...but every single shot requires some form of commentary. "Oh, I lifted my head"..."Well that was a lot different...usually most shots fade about 10º"..."I don't think I'm shifting my weight properly" etc. Ok, many valid comments but KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF. I don't cared to hear you tell me what I already know. At least not every single time.

I swear, by the end of 36 with this guy, I was ready to snap.
 

Kilted Arab

Well-Known Member
Apr 30, 2005
1,202
4
IrishGolfer said:
Anyway, in one of the outings I was paired with an Equities directors. This dude was one of those arrogant stuck up Oxbridge educated guys. Now I will play golf with anyone, come rain or shine. Good, bad, as long as everyone is having fun and keeping up. But this dude from the start spelled trouble. He had all the gear, but looked like it was one of his first ever rounds. His swing was terrible and his regard for the game was horrible. It was all about him!

So we played the first and he had something like a 10, on a straight away par 3. He was determined to finish out his four putt.

It took us something like 25 minutes to play our opening hole with a crowd back on the tee. As it was the first hole, I didn't like to interject, but I felt I had to say something. It was a stableford competition I remined him, "so after playing 5 shots you are scoring Zip". So on the next tee, I said to him about not "having to finish out every" shot, just to keep things moving.

"But I'd like to finish out as I want to mark my score" he responded. So we end up letting three groups play through on the front nine, all down to this guy. It took us 3 hours to play. I was beginning to brew like Mount Etna here. At one point a light shower of rain came on. This guy decides to gear up, so by the time he has everything on, we have finished putting out and he is still on the tee! Of a par 4! Can you Fxxxing believe that? We had to wait on the next tee for this guy to finish out. He comes off the green, not a word of apology, saying he scored a 7! He then proceeded to remove all of his gear (as meticiously as he put it on). This dude is pure GOLD!

Now here is the dilemma. This guy is a director. Yours truly is merely a grunt. So do I scream at him and tell him what a jerk he is? I have already tried as subtley as I can that we are falling way behind. Do I walk in? At this point I am -1 for my round, so I am going well. The other dude in the group is having a miserable time and I can tell he wants to head for the bar.

Surely there must be a golfing Hell for guys like this.

There's probably this Equity Director somewhere telling his mates this story...

"well, here I was, having to play golf with some jubbs from my office. I think they were playing with borrowed clubs, or something they'd just picked up from a jumble sale. Even with tatty gear, they took it way to seriously.

Anyway, it was pissing with rain and one of my partners talked in some bizarre language - couldn't understand a word of it. As if that wasn't bad enough, he kept getting his knob out. Then he would stand at the side of the course to let other groups pass by as he waved his tackle at them. Shocking display, truly shocking."
 

bdcrowe

ST Homeland Security
Aug 30, 2004
2,207
276
Kilted Arab said:
There's probably this Equity Director somewhere telling his mates this story...

"well, here I was, having to play golf with some jubbs from my office. I think they were playing with borrowed clubs, or something they'd just picked up from a jumble sale. Even with tatty gear, they took it way to seriously.

Anyway, it was pissing with rain and one of my partners talked in some bizarre language - couldn't understand a word of it. As if that wasn't bad enough, he kept getting his knob out. Then he would stand at the side of the course to let other groups pass by as he waved his tackle at them. Shocking display, truly shocking."
"After seeing the looks on everyone's faces-- you know, as they played through and he waved his wanky at them?-- I was embarrased to go back in the clubhouse. I mean, I dragged my proverbial feet and tried to slow down the round, just so I wouldn't have to face all these people who had run away screaming from this dude's junk..."
 

IrishGolfer

Fac ut gaudeam
Supporting Member
Sep 1, 2004
6,545
4,979
bdcrowe said:
"After seeing the looks on everyone's faces-- you know, as they played through and he waved his wanky at them?-- I was embarrased to go back in the clubhouse. I mean, I dragged my proverbial feet and tried to slow down the round, just so I wouldn't have to face all these people who had run away screaming from this dude's junk..."

You guys are wasted in your day jobs. I hear they are looking for a couple of porn writers for trash novels. I took the liberty of sending them your best bits. Sorry to say they arrrived back labelled "this and that dude's junk".

Shrug of shoulders...What can I say?...shake of the head

wasted / wasters / wanters / wankers
 

Kilted Arab

Well-Known Member
Apr 30, 2005
1,202
4
IrishGolfer said:
You guys are wasted in your day jobs. I hear they are looking for a couple of porn writers for trash novels. I took the liberty of sending them your best bits. Sorry to say they arrrived back labelled "this and that dude's junk".

Shrug of shoulders...What can I say?...shake of the head

wasted / wasters / wanters / wankers

I'm just wondering how you have the contact details for these guys...you move in weird circles, oh Emerald One! :D
 

bdcrowe

ST Homeland Security
Aug 30, 2004
2,207
276
Hmmm.... I sometimes correspond on the intenet with a guy who owns his own publishing company and he firther corresponds with a "they" (wink, wink) that is looking for porn writers. Ahem... Coincidence?

I used to be surprised that he showed Captain Howdy around.....
 

pball5156

Well-Known Member
Mar 21, 2005
153
0
I just played last thursday with a guy who said "God Damn It" after every single shot he took, he probably said it about 60 times in the 9 hole round. By the time the 5th hole came around, I was ready to shove the nike down his throat.
 

bdcrowe

ST Homeland Security
Aug 30, 2004
2,207
276
pball5156 said:
I just played last thursday with a guy who said "God Damn It" after every single shot he took, he probably said it about 60 times in the 9 hole round. By the time the 5th hole came around, I was ready to shove the nike down his throat.
pball, as a junior member you are not expected to know this, but a threadjack containing either urine, pornoghraphic novels, or IGs junk takes precidence over any and all former discussions. Please learn to stay off topic in the future.

Just joking.

I played with that guy 2 weeks ago, and could only smile. He was worse than Tiger Woods. He hit an iron shot from 100 yards that landed 15 feet short of the pin, uphill putt for birdie, and just went OFF on himself. "Hit it next time you P**SY!" He yells at himself. He missed the 15 footer by 3 inches and just lamented that he couldn't sink a putt to save his life. If he wasn't within a foot on his approaches, I put him under suicide watch. It he didn't sink a 20 footer for birdie, the course and ball were conspiring against him.

Oddly enough, if he hit a 200 yard, crooked drive, he beamed.

He started talking to me about halfway through the round and let me know that Olan Mills Photography (G-Damn them!) forced him into early retirement. "Why?" I asked. Becasue he had brain surgery. "Not quite right up here," he says as he points to his right temple.

You don't say.
 

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