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Joke of the day

Bravo

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2004
5,822
15
The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition.
"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I' l l help you win."

"Done," shouted the young golfer. The leperechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily.

When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?"

"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.
 
R

RocklandGolf

Guest
Jesus and St. Peter are out playing a round of golf.


On the 17th tee there is a water hazard at 270 with 290 to carry it.

Jesus hits his tee shot and it splashes down at 280.

St. Peter advises him to take his drop and carry on from the drop zone but Jesus refuses and says "Tiger Woods could carry it and so will I".

Jesus proceeds to hit every ball in his bag into the water ignoring St. Peters advice all the while.

When he discovers he has no balls left he proceeds to walk across the water hazard looking down through the water for his balls.

At this time the foursome behind them catches up to the tee and are amazed that Jesus is walking on the water and ask St. Peter, "Who does this guy think he is? Jesus Christ?!"

St. Peter replies......."Nah Tiger Woods"
 
OP
Bravo

Bravo

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2004
5,822
15
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #4
Good job Rockland...Keep em coming...
 

goatster

SUPER SOAKER
Feb 20, 2005
2,360
2
a man is standing on the tee box with a foursome when a funeral percession goes by. the man stops his practice swings takes off his hat and bows his head.after the funeral has gone by the others say what a nice gesture it was.the man says "well after 45 yrs. of marriage its the least i can do for her"
 
R

RocklandGolf

Guest
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."

Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.
 

bdcrowe

ST Homeland Security
Aug 30, 2004
2,207
276
The vatican and the Jewish orthidox decided to have a friendly golf tourney. Wanting to hedge their bets, they made Jack Nicklaus a Cardinal ringer and sent him to play against the representative from the Jewish faith.

Two days later Jack returned to Rome. The pope asked, "How did it go Jack?" You stomp em for us? Jack replied, "Well, no. I was feeling unstoppable until Rabbi Woods showed up."
 

goatster

SUPER SOAKER
Feb 20, 2005
2,360
2
a guy is out on the course with his wife when he hits a huge slice.it ends up behind a barn.as the guy gets ready to chip out his wife says why dont you open the doors and shoot through the barn.
the guy says great idea honey opens the doors and takes the shot wich ricochets off a beam and hits his wife in the head and kills her.
a week later the same guy is on the course with a couple of people when he hits a slice in the same spot and behind the barn again.so someone in the group says why dont you open the doors and shoot through the barn.
the guy says no way i did that last week and ended up with a bogey.
 
S

spankdoggie

Guest
Oldie but goodie, ...

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."

Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you. But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, I was going to say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
 
OP
Bravo

Bravo

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2004
5,822
15
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #14
I like that one Spankola and have never heard it...

Velly, velly creative.
 

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