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Kids Say the Darndest Things

ClairefromClare

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Jul 23, 2008
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I got challenged to start this thread, and for the record, "kids" includes Jeff. Otherwise it would just be me, talking to myself. (As if I don't do that enough already).

So--I keep the car radio tuned to NPR. Around here, that's just asking for grief. Turns out the kids pay more attention to the news than I realize.

I turned the radio off for 9/11 (the kids were 3 and 1 at the time), but turned it back on later that fall, when the anthrax scare was going on. We were at friends', and the kids were playing house or something. The Kid walked up to my girlfiend, handed her an envelope, and said, I"m a bad guy; this is anthrax." We talked about this last week, and he has no memory of it.

When the U.S. army caught Saddam Hussein: "Mommy, can we have a bath party, too?"

Massachusetts allows same-sex marriage: "If I go to college in Massachusetts, do I HAVE to marry another boy?"
 

MCDavis

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I posted this 3/07 in a similar thread (that I'd forgotten about, btw), so I thought it'd be a good addition to this thread. Yes, it's the boy in Eracer's pics:

My just turned 12 stepson and I had this conversation when he saw the back of one of my USGA member hats:

"What's USGA?"

"It's the organization that put's on the US Open."

"Wow, you're a member?"

"Yeah, but it's not that big a deal. You send some money and they send you stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Hats, magazines, bag tags.."

"Bag tags? Doesn't that hurt?"

He didn't even crack a smile.

Puberty is going to be so much fun with him...little snot...


Now, 1 2/3 years later, I can say that he's only getting worse...I'm so proud!!:D
 

JEFF4i

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Jul 3, 2006
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Great stuff man. And I'll gladly be a kid for as long as the world allows.

Of course, like I tell me wife. My go through only a couple changes. We're always kids, we just start getting interested in girls, and then wanting to take care of our own kids. We really don't change that much. :D
 
OP
ClairefromClare

ClairefromClare

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Jul 23, 2008
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I shudder to think of Jeff as a parent...

At the risk of opening myself up to who knows what--The Kid is under the false impression that if he begins a sentence with, "No offense but..." the rest of the sentence will magically become inoffensive.

So we were heading out to some black tie something or other, and I was wearing the requisite cut down to here, spaghetti straps, lots of skin dress. The Kid looked me over and said, "No offense Mommy, but you look kind of sexy."

No offense taken!
 

MCDavis

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I shudder to think of Jeff as a parent...

At the risk of opening myself up to who knows what--The Kid is under the false impression that if he begins a sentence with, "No offense but..." the rest of the sentence will magically become inoffensive.

So we were heading out to some black tie something or other, and I was wearing the requisite cut down to here, spaghetti straps, lots of skin dress. The Kid looked me over and said, "No offense Mommy, but you look kind of sexy."

No offense taken!
:needpics:
 

JEFF4i

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I shudder to think of Jeff as a parent...

At the risk of opening myself up to who knows what--The Kid is under the false impression that if he begins a sentence with, "No offense but..." the rest of the sentence will magically become inoffensive.

So we were heading out to some black tie something or other, and I was wearing the requisite cut down to here, spaghetti straps, lots of skin dress. The Kid looked me over and said, "No offense Mommy, but you look kind of sexy."

No offense taken!

That hurts!

Anyway, I've always spoken with my wife how its odd that people say, "No offense..." bit.

Anyway, I'm hurt!
 

Pa Jayhawk

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Nov 15, 2005
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The Kid is under the false impression that if he begins a sentence with, "No offense but..." the rest of the sentence will magically become inoffensive.
Just be thankful he is not like someone like me when I was a kid, where I only used that term to add to the sarcasm and to point out the fact they I am about to offend them so they don't accidentally miss the pretense. :D

Not sure why I ever got away from that way of thinking. So Claire, you could appropriately say "No offense Jeff, but you are a Knob" For which it is simply compounded by the fact that he knows it is an insult even though he doesn't know what it means. So the "No Offense" would clarify that it is certainly an insult and leave no question as to the intent.
:laugh:
 

JEFF4i

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You know what?

The Jeff just disenrolled from the coming semester of school. Oh yes, he did! He has a crusade now, to kick the arse of all who dare speak against him! I'm coming for you first Claire(the reason the statement was what it what, is if you pervs read too much into that, at least its Claire).

Smackdown cometh, and it be horrible!
 

Pa Jayhawk

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"No offense Jeff", but she had ample reason in calling you a kid and you just proved her point. Only a kid would assume that the reason your father told you not to pick a fight with girls is that he was shielding you from the truth. It is not because they are weaker, but more simply because of the humiliation you will face when they kick your @$$.

Lesson soon to be learned. :laugh:
 

eclark53520

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You know what?

The Jeff just disenrolled from the coming semester of school. Oh yes, he did! He has a crusade now, to kick the arse of all who dare speak against him! I'm coming for you first Claire(the reason the statement was what it what, is if you pervs read too much into that, at least its Claire).

Smackdown cometh, and it be horrible!
lmao...

"The Jeff" AHAHAHAAA
 
OP
ClairefromClare

ClairefromClare

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Jul 23, 2008
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You know what?

The Jeff just disenrolled from the coming semester of school. Oh yes, he did! He has a crusade now, to kick the arse of all who dare speak against him! I'm coming for you first Claire(the reason the statement was what it what, is if you pervs read too much into that, at least its Claire).

Smackdown cometh, and it be horrible!

In which case, you don't get to see me in my sexy dress.

Let's move on to religion (a topic that doesn't seem to arise here--think of all the fights you fellows could pick on that one).

I'm Roman Catholic, and that's how we're raising the kids. Heck, I even teach CCD. Hubby is lapsed Episcopalian, and in best WASP fashion, believes religion is the mom's job. So he doesn't go to church with us.

Boo Girl, age 5: Why doesn't Daddy come to church with us?

Me (patting self on back for having answer prepared): Well, it gives us something to pray for.

Boo Girl, hands on hips, best adult voice: Or we could just ask him.

The Kid, age 4, after Christmas Eve mass: Why do we eat Baby Jesus?

The Kid, four months later, after Easter services: Mommy, was Jesus a zombie?
 

PureStroke

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Oct 10, 2008
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They say kids are only as good as their parents . And everything they learn starts at home.;)
 

JEFF4i

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In which case, you don't get to see me in my sexy dress.

Boo Girl, age 5: Why doesn't Daddy come to church with us?

Me (patting self on back for having answer prepared): Well, it gives us something to pray for.

Boo Girl, hands on hips, best adult voice: Or we could just ask him.

The Kid, age 4, after Christmas Eve mass: Why do we eat Baby Jesus?

The Kid, four months later, after Easter services: Mommy, was Jesus a zombie?


I give I give. Pulling out the big guns.

That's pretty funny though. I was raised Roman Catholic, and now, well the closest thing to my metaphysical beliefs would be Toaist. *shrug*
 
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ClairefromClare

ClairefromClare

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Jul 23, 2008
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When my kids were about 4 and 2, we went to our first bris.* The reception afterwards, in the temple social hall, was dairy. There was a big salmon platter. My kids won't eat salmon, but The Kid was looking out for his little sister. He walked up to the woman serving salmon and said, "My sister doesn't like salmon, but she likes shrimp**. Do you have any shrimp?"

You could have heard a pin drop. All I could do was turn to Hubby and say, "Do you think they figured out we're not Jewish?"

* Bris = ritual circumcision of an eight day old boy baby
** Shrimp is traif, or unclean (like pork).
 

BigJim13

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You know what?

The Jeff just disenrolled from the coming semester of school. Oh yes, he did! He has a crusade now, to kick the arse of all who dare speak against him! I'm coming for you first Claire(the reason the statement was what it what, is if you pervs read too much into that, at least its Claire).

Smackdown cometh, and it be horrible!

Is "disenrolled" even a word? Maybe you should undisenroll, for the sake of makind and all.
icon10.gif
 

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