Need girl advice

[DrBrown]

I dont know who to ask really so I thought, why not post my questions to the wonderful people of Shot Talk! I've been out of the dating scene for a couple years. I got sick of being single finally so now Im doing homework on a girl. Im 25 now and the "hit-it & quit-it" isnt my thing. Im looking for a serious relationship that has potential for the future. Since I know there's some married folks on the forum you might now where Im coming from with long term relationship possibilities.

ANYWAY I'll try not to drag this out too much. I started attending this church in January and there is a girl there that is very attractive about my age. I THINK I've caught her eyeballing me in church a couple times but not sure. I know I've been looking her over a lot. I like to observe women a little before asking them out to see if its even worth it. If they aren't my type I dont even bother asking them anything because it has no future. I grew a pair of balls this past week & started a conversation with her for the first time. We talked for a good 10-15 minutes. I tried to listen to her and keep eye contact because I truly am intersted in what she has to say.

SOOO, how can you tell if someone is into you when carrying out a convo? I thought it went rather well though I was a tiny bit nervous. I tried to be casual but women can sniff out fear/nervousness from a mile away so Im sure it was obvious to her heh. How can I tell if she was truly intersted in me? She is a shy/quiet girl until you get her talking so I cant get a read on her attitude toward me. I guess I could just say "Hey wanna go hang out sometime?" and that would tell me right away. Are there any "signs" that I could have noticed as far as body language or how she talked to gauge how she feels? I never got the impression she WASN'T interested but that doesnt exactly throw up a green flag for me either. Im not overly affraid of rejection for asking her out but seeing as I would have to be reminded of it by seeing her and her family 3 times a week a church it does have me trying NOT make a fool of myself. I dont want to create an akward situation for her or myself. But she is flat out gorgeous and she's single so it looks good at this point. Any advice would be incredibly apprecaited here. Thanks in advance!

 

[nsherman2006]

I know im only 17, so im probably the worst person to give advice, but i had a year-long relationship when i was a freshman that ended poorly, and shied away from the scene for a while. Then, this year(senior), there was a girl i kinda liked and 'scoped out' in the same way. I racked my brain for about two months trying to figure out if she liked me or not, and got mixed signs like crazy, so i did something completely out of character for myself and asked her out. She said yes. It was a pleasant relationship, but we ended it because i'm going away to college and we never got to the point where it was anything more than a close friendship. And even though we 'broke up', we're still very close friends, and see each other quite a bit. There is no awkwardness between us. So if the situation is as similar as it seems, why not just go for it. If she's not interested, she'll say no, you'll have your peace of mind at least, and it's not like she'll hate you forever. If she's interested and it doesnt work, what did you lose? If it does work, then it worked. It seems pretty win-win. And i think you're at the point where you know you want to push the envelope and make a move, and are just looking for a bit of confirmation/encouragement. So although i may not be in the best position to offer advice, i did anyway. Good luck

 

[Slingblade61]

Lunch, Doc....invite her to have lunch (or sunday brunch) with you.

Lunches are non threatening....not expectations of kisses (or more) at the door after the "date"

Pick a place and ask her if she'd like to meet you there for lunch......after that (depending on how it goes) it's open season.

Good luck!

 

[DouginGA]

DR.,
it's like a putt, you can study it it all day long, but sooner or later you got to hit it. Only after you hit on it will know if it will fall. Do like sling suggests and go for lunch, the equivilent of a three footer. good luck.

 

[Rockford35]

Doc,

Since you and I are basically the same age, I'll give you my two cents. (No sense listening to these old men and the young kid who's thinking with the wrong head! )

My advice to you is to expect nothing. Be yourself. Don't try and be someone you're not. Have you ever noticed that when you're with a girl, all sorts of girls become interested in you? This isn't by accident. This is purely because you are in a state where you are comfortable, feel no pressure to be something your not, to try and "impress" the other. You're relaxed, funny and easy going. Most quality girls want this in a guy, someone that's down to earth and himself.

I've had the luxury of being involved with a few long term relationships in the last 8 years that all started this way. I went through these times of "I NEED a GF or i'm gonna die", trying way too hard and not getting anywhere. Sure, there's always chicks at the bar just looking for some fling, but i'm not down like that. I also don't recommend looking at the bar for a long term thing, it's not gonna work.

I met the first of my three on a school field trip. Sounds lame, but she was a great girl. As it turns out, she had been interested in me for a long time but always thought I was with someone because I was so down to earth and not pushing it. Our relationship ended sadly because of a change of geography and on great terms.

The second I met while mountain biking. I was with a few friends on the trails and ran into a few ladies doing the same. I had just gotten out of the first relationship, so I really wasn't "looking" for anything. I approached her and asked her if she wanted to go trail riding a few days later and we ended up dating for about 3 years. Great girl.

My current GF/finace was interested in me even before #2 and I had moved on. She worked in a department that works closely with ours and had known of me for some time before we even started dating. As it turns out, a guy in our office started asking me about her, "hey, is she single?" sorta thing. I started asking her about her current situation and she said she was single. We ended up making some small talk and (low and behold, the old guys come through!) we had a lunch. 4 years later, we have a house, two cars, two dogs, a patio set and life insurance together.

Plus she paid for lunch! Score!

Be yourself Doc. In the end, you are who you are, right?

Good luck. The fact that you're concerned about pushing this girl away tells me loads about you as a person. You seem genuinely concerned for her well being before your own. I commend you for that.

Don't be surprised if she says yes and things work out.

R35

PS....keep us posted. Even if she turns out to be a dude or an alien, I want to know the progress....

 

[Davebud]

My very first words to my wife were "So when are you going to ask me to dance?". That was me being me, up until the point when I met her I had been through a few girls, never seeing less than 1 at a time and if I did never more than 2-3 weeks with the one. When I met the boss, I just kind of knew she was my type, I can't remember the names of more than half the girls I have been with, but I can tell you that I met my wife February 1, 1991. If this girl is your groove it will happen for you, if it doesn't she wasn't. For what it is worth most of what Rock and Sling said should work out fine. Good luck.

 

[mediaguru]

You probably don't want any advice from me as I'm about to finalize a divorce after 17 years.

But make sure:

She's not a "party girl" (drinks too much). It isn't pleasant later.

She's good with money...better yet, she's rich. Or you could do what I did and bail someone out for years and cost yourself well into 6 digits for nothing.

No mental disorders....

Honest.

Oh god, what was I thinking??? Someone kill me.

 

[DrBrown]

Thanks for all the good info guys. I think all of you had bits and pieces that could apply to me so thank you for that. My other question should have been where to take a 1st date. I agree that it should be a very non threatenning place/meeting to keep things comfortable and casual. I was thinking lunch is good but I know she works like 2 jobs so more than likely that might be tough to swing. I'd like to have a backup plan as well. I was thinking maybe bowling in a group because its fun for everyone and it would still be comfortable. And maybe even a trip to the local zoo since its always funny to watch an elephant drop a 40 pound bomb, or watch monkey beat their meat right in front of you lol. I just dont want to do the cheesy thing and ask her out for coffee because everyone does that anymore. I want to create a good impression and show that Im not as boring as everyone else.

The only thing that throws off my radar here is that she is overly quiet and shy, yet she is a 9/10 on my shwing scale. She is very pretty, tall, thin, dark hair & eyes...HOT. Why would someone like this be so shy? I've never met a girl this gorgeous and shy, usually the stereotype is they are flaky and wont shut up about themselves. *shrug* It kinda threw me for a loop!

 

[Davebud]

Not sure, this is just a guess but that could be her "Sunday School" persona. She might not be the same person after you get her somewhere that she can relax. Not that I am saying she will go wacko or anything, just that she may be less reserved if you are in a more laid back situation.

 

[SiberianDVM]

Somebody's got to do it, soi I guess it's up to me:

Does she play golf?

 

[VtDivot]

I vote for the hit it and quit it option

 

[Rockford35]

I vote for the hit it and quit it option

LOL....classy!

Ever see that Simpsons episode where he falls for the reverand's neice? This is eerily reminiscent.

"Her hair smells like fruit loops."

R35

 

[DrBrown]

Well Im going to GUESS she doesnt play golf. I only knew a few girls total that think its not a gay sport. I defend it to everyone that talks down golf but at this stage I'd say shes not a player judging by her hot appearance.

Fruit loops eh?? lol Alrighty then! Guess I missed that episode.

 

[token_hottie]

Dr Brown,

I say next time you're chatting with her, invite her to go somewhere interesting with you. This isn't high school, if she's worth her salt she will not laugh at you and turn you down.

You commented that she was gorgeous and not stupid. That probably means she had to work to get where she is (supported by the fact that she has 2 jobs) and she is probably smart enough not to have to rely on her looks. It's not unheard of nowadays to be both good looking and intelligent.

As far as knowing if she is going to be worth it, if she considers your needs and feelings instead of having the relationship just revolve around her, she's got potential. Don't date her if she is a princess. You will get nothing out of it, especially in the long run.

Just my opinions, you can take them or leave them. Good luck!

 

[DrBrown]

Here's some new NEWS as of yesterday. Go to chruch looking to try another crack at her. Well the pews were full and I ended up sitting in her row. She came with her mother and it looked like she went out of her way to not sit right next to me??? I thought I was "in there" until that little road block. Now Im wondering if shes just playing with me or trying to play mind games. Women are a strange breed!!

And I tend to agree with you token. I plan to try to casually ask her to go play putt-putt golf and get some ice cream afterwards. Its not GOLF but its close heh. Everyone can play mini golf. And seeing as Im a pretty good golfer Im going to try to use that to my advantage to get closer to help her do better. This of course if she doesnt say "Hey Dan your a dildo, go away!" LOL

So what do y'all think about mini-golf for a first date?? Most people just to do the movie/dinner thing but thats boring IMO. I'd much rather be outdoors having fun w/ or w/out a girl.