- Sep 1, 2004
- 6,546
- 4,982
I hope you all know who Peter allis is. He was a bit of a star a few decades ago but unfortunately couldn't putt to save his life. He then went on to commentate, mostly for the BBC. His anecdotes and stories are legendary. Here's an interview I dug out which sorta sums him up. I likke the style of questions. This is taken from the Guardian. Good name for the column, em sorta like Shot Talk, eh?
I expect a similar interview by Kilted Arab, when he interviews Tiger Woods in Dubai in early 2006 on behalf of Shot Talk, OK?
Peter Allis - Man on Golf
Good morning, Mr Allis. How's life?
Fine, thank you. I'm just getting ready to fly over to Augusta for the Masters. I'm taking my wife for the very first time.
Eh? Why's she never been before?
Well she's not a golfer. She understands it and organises a lot of golf days, but she doesn't actually play.
Why not?
One in the family is enough, she says. And I'm quite pleased because if she comes home at night she doesn't tell me how she's played or ask "why am I slicing" or "I don't like Mrs Jones at the club, can you give her a slice?"
But she's looking forward to Augusta, surely?
She is indeed, very much. I haven't told her too much about what to expect though. I'm just hoping the weather's nice and all the flowers are out.
Indeed, women like that sort of thing. Who's going to win the Masters?
Well, the favourite will be Tiger Woods again, and I'd certainly put my money on him. I think he's about 4-1 at present, even though he's supposed to be playing rubbish.
Any dark horses to look out for?
Well it could be far more open this year than in the past. We saw Adam Scott win the Players' Championship last week on a very difficult golf course [Sawgrass], and he won very convincingly, very stylishly. And we keep talking about Ernie Els winning another Major, and Vijay Singh. They've both started the year off well, so who knows?
What's the secret to winning the Masters - just in case Small Talk accidentally enters and needs to learn fast...
Well you'll probably need to be hitting it long and keep the ball in play. You've got to putt well. You've got to have the breaks and you've got to hole putts.
Sounds simple enough...
You really mustn't miss any short putts, Small Talk, otherwise you'll have no chance. But if you can master all that you've got a chance.
Besides Small Talk, can any Brits win it this year?
Well they keep flattering to deceive a bit, don't they. I fear the years are ticking by for Colin Montgomerie, and the youngsters haven't really yet moved up a gear yet - you know, the Justin Roses and Paul Caseys. Padraig Harrington might be the best bet, given how well he played at Sawgrass.
What about Darren Clarke?
Well we often talk about Darren but something always seems to go wrong. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than a British victory, Small Talk, but I'm not convinced it'll happen.
Have we seen the best of Tiger Woods?
No.
Are you sure?
For whatever reason he's just gone off the boil at the moment, but he's still a wonderful talent. It's very difficult to get better and better and better. He will maintain a colossally high standard for as long as he enjoys it and for as long as his nerves remain good, and his nerves certainly appear to be good at the moment. It's just a question of whether he gets bored with the life of permanent security and long lenses.
Yes, it's a hard life all right. So, Masters or The Open?
The Open.
Why?
I just think there's more atmosphere. It's more cosmopolitan, although the American tournaments have improved a lot over the years. There's a lot going against our Open, normally with the weather [chuckles]. It's such potluck. Often it'll rain and blow, otherwise it's dry on certain courses and the ball bounces all over the place. It's a lottery, but I prefer it that way.
It's...
[He's on a roll now] Our Open is a different form of golf, colourful tented villages - it's a bit like Derby day on the Heath at Epsom. The only thing we don't have at the Open are fortune-tellers, but there's still time [laughs].
Have you ever thrown a club into a lake in a fit of pique?
No, not likely.
Snapped one over your thigh in front of the Major?
[Laughs] No bloody fear! My earliest playing contract was when my father managed to get me a set of clubs at cost, less 10%. So we were brought up not to throw things away or break them.
Have you ever scuffed a shot that hasn't even reached the ladies' tee?
No.
Right, well if you could host the Champions' dinner [when the reigning Masters champion invites the former Masters champions to a banquet of his choosing], what would be on the menu?
Ooh, good question.
Thanks.
Well for me, we'd have the shrimps they serve at Muirfield Village to start. A huge bowl of shrimps with Marie Rose sauce, and some wonderful crunchy brown bread. Then it would be roast chicken, with Mother's home-made roast potatoes, broad beans, a little spinach, parsnips and carrots chopped up together and Mother's special gravy.
Eh? What's in Mother's special gravy?
I don't know, but it tastes bloody wonderful! It's certainly not watered down granules, I know that much. And then for pudding it would have to be good old treacle tart or treacle sponge with cream.
Blimey, it's a banquet, all right...
Well it's my choice, isn't it? Then we'd have some wonderful Dolcelatte cheese with digestive biscuits and beautiful celery to finish, accompanied by a drinkable port.
What's your favourite biscuit?
Oh, a chocolate digestive, or a good Garibaldi.
Do you wear slippers, Peter?
I do. I've got four pairs.
Which are your favourites?
They're all favourites, Small Talk.
Like old friends?
Indeed they are. Years ago, I had a pair of those Norwegian slipper-socks which were very comfortable, and then I got sheepskin ones which were also very good. Then, as I got a little bit older, I became a little more extravagant. I used to go out to the garage with the dogs in my slippers - I didn't keep them strictly for the house, which was a mistake really.
They tend to wear out quicker with outdoor use...
They do, yes. You've got to keep house slippers for the house. These days, I've got a rather grand pair, a very handsome soft green velvet pair with a red edging - very Noel Cowardy. I sort of ponce about in those and make sure I wear them if the vicar pops round for tea.
So they're your favourites?
No, no. They're just for a different day, you know, a different mood.
I expect a similar interview by Kilted Arab, when he interviews Tiger Woods in Dubai in early 2006 on behalf of Shot Talk, OK?
Peter Allis - Man on Golf
Good morning, Mr Allis. How's life?
Fine, thank you. I'm just getting ready to fly over to Augusta for the Masters. I'm taking my wife for the very first time.
Eh? Why's she never been before?
Well she's not a golfer. She understands it and organises a lot of golf days, but she doesn't actually play.
Why not?
One in the family is enough, she says. And I'm quite pleased because if she comes home at night she doesn't tell me how she's played or ask "why am I slicing" or "I don't like Mrs Jones at the club, can you give her a slice?"
But she's looking forward to Augusta, surely?
She is indeed, very much. I haven't told her too much about what to expect though. I'm just hoping the weather's nice and all the flowers are out.
Indeed, women like that sort of thing. Who's going to win the Masters?
Well, the favourite will be Tiger Woods again, and I'd certainly put my money on him. I think he's about 4-1 at present, even though he's supposed to be playing rubbish.
Any dark horses to look out for?
Well it could be far more open this year than in the past. We saw Adam Scott win the Players' Championship last week on a very difficult golf course [Sawgrass], and he won very convincingly, very stylishly. And we keep talking about Ernie Els winning another Major, and Vijay Singh. They've both started the year off well, so who knows?
What's the secret to winning the Masters - just in case Small Talk accidentally enters and needs to learn fast...
Well you'll probably need to be hitting it long and keep the ball in play. You've got to putt well. You've got to have the breaks and you've got to hole putts.
Sounds simple enough...
You really mustn't miss any short putts, Small Talk, otherwise you'll have no chance. But if you can master all that you've got a chance.
Besides Small Talk, can any Brits win it this year?
Well they keep flattering to deceive a bit, don't they. I fear the years are ticking by for Colin Montgomerie, and the youngsters haven't really yet moved up a gear yet - you know, the Justin Roses and Paul Caseys. Padraig Harrington might be the best bet, given how well he played at Sawgrass.
What about Darren Clarke?
Well we often talk about Darren but something always seems to go wrong. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than a British victory, Small Talk, but I'm not convinced it'll happen.
Have we seen the best of Tiger Woods?
No.
Are you sure?
For whatever reason he's just gone off the boil at the moment, but he's still a wonderful talent. It's very difficult to get better and better and better. He will maintain a colossally high standard for as long as he enjoys it and for as long as his nerves remain good, and his nerves certainly appear to be good at the moment. It's just a question of whether he gets bored with the life of permanent security and long lenses.
Yes, it's a hard life all right. So, Masters or The Open?
The Open.
Why?
I just think there's more atmosphere. It's more cosmopolitan, although the American tournaments have improved a lot over the years. There's a lot going against our Open, normally with the weather [chuckles]. It's such potluck. Often it'll rain and blow, otherwise it's dry on certain courses and the ball bounces all over the place. It's a lottery, but I prefer it that way.
It's...
[He's on a roll now] Our Open is a different form of golf, colourful tented villages - it's a bit like Derby day on the Heath at Epsom. The only thing we don't have at the Open are fortune-tellers, but there's still time [laughs].
Have you ever thrown a club into a lake in a fit of pique?
No, not likely.
Snapped one over your thigh in front of the Major?
[Laughs] No bloody fear! My earliest playing contract was when my father managed to get me a set of clubs at cost, less 10%. So we were brought up not to throw things away or break them.
Have you ever scuffed a shot that hasn't even reached the ladies' tee?
No.
Right, well if you could host the Champions' dinner [when the reigning Masters champion invites the former Masters champions to a banquet of his choosing], what would be on the menu?
Ooh, good question.
Thanks.
Well for me, we'd have the shrimps they serve at Muirfield Village to start. A huge bowl of shrimps with Marie Rose sauce, and some wonderful crunchy brown bread. Then it would be roast chicken, with Mother's home-made roast potatoes, broad beans, a little spinach, parsnips and carrots chopped up together and Mother's special gravy.
Eh? What's in Mother's special gravy?
I don't know, but it tastes bloody wonderful! It's certainly not watered down granules, I know that much. And then for pudding it would have to be good old treacle tart or treacle sponge with cream.
Blimey, it's a banquet, all right...
Well it's my choice, isn't it? Then we'd have some wonderful Dolcelatte cheese with digestive biscuits and beautiful celery to finish, accompanied by a drinkable port.
What's your favourite biscuit?
Oh, a chocolate digestive, or a good Garibaldi.
Do you wear slippers, Peter?
I do. I've got four pairs.
Which are your favourites?
They're all favourites, Small Talk.
Like old friends?
Indeed they are. Years ago, I had a pair of those Norwegian slipper-socks which were very comfortable, and then I got sheepskin ones which were also very good. Then, as I got a little bit older, I became a little more extravagant. I used to go out to the garage with the dogs in my slippers - I didn't keep them strictly for the house, which was a mistake really.
They tend to wear out quicker with outdoor use...
They do, yes. You've got to keep house slippers for the house. These days, I've got a rather grand pair, a very handsome soft green velvet pair with a red edging - very Noel Cowardy. I sort of ponce about in those and make sure I wear them if the vicar pops round for tea.
So they're your favourites?
No, no. They're just for a different day, you know, a different mood.