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Shuffleboard?? Checkers???

limpalong

Mental Ward Escapee
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Oct 18, 2006
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Thinking of trading my G10 driver for a shuffleboard stick. (I hate this game!) Maybe I can get enough out of the Eye 2+'s at the Pawn Shop to buy checkers and a checkerboard at WalMart. (I hate this game!!) The Scotty, sold on ebay, should bring enough to get me checked in to the local nursing home. (Did I say, "I hate this game!!!")

For the past few seasons, my short irons and chipping have been the highlight of my game. My Eye 2+ lob wedge was money. Pitching wedge... sand wedge... lob wedge... scalpels in my hands. My weilding of those short clubs accounted for many, many, many 1-putt greens. That is, they did!!!!

For the past couple of weeks, I can't chip... I can't hit a short iron. My G10 is fantastic off the tee. The HiBore is an animal off the fairway on long par 5's. No hookies out of the hybrid. Even the long irons... I've hit more solid 3 and 4 irons than in recent memory. And... each and every round enhances the love I have for my Cameron. The short irons and the wedges flat out stink!!!!!

One short iron is thinned. The next is hit fat. I chunked a pitching wedge today that left a furrow that would have made John Deere proud. I also thinned a pitching wedge, two holes later, that would have cut an old balata ball in half. Hours later, my hands still sting!!!! No consistency. No touch. No feel. I hate this game!!!!

It ain't the clubs... they've performed well for a long time. It ain't the ball. It's the piece... glob of gray mater between my ears that has gone completely dead! I'm too old. I'm giving up the game. I'm going to begin calling nursing homes, tomorrow, and see which one has the most rich widows as residents!!!

Why is it that all components of this game will NOT come together at the same time? Why is it that all the stars of this game will NOT align themselves? Why is it that a person can hit a 250 yard drive, perfectly placed in the center of the fairway then chunk an 8 iron 20 yards? Why is it that a person can be less than 10 paces off a par 5 green in 2 and take 4 more to get down?

If you think it's the irons, pm me for the address where to send cash for me to purchase a new set. If you think it's the pathetic, old, washed up, has-been using the irons... I'll post the address of which "golden age" home I choose and you can come by to visit once in a while!!!

Supposed to be upper 60's and lower 70's all week. With daylight savings time, that leaves quite a bit of light in the evenings after work. I'll be spending hours upon hours upon hours, this week, chipping in the yard. If I dig up all the grass in the back yard... I'll move to the front. If I dig up all the grass in the front yard... I'll move to the neighbor's yard. If, by next weekend, I still have this mental block... I'll be the only one in the neighborhood that has a set of Ping irons as tomato stakes in their garden!!!!
 

Pa Jayhawk

Well-Known Member
Nov 15, 2005
7,101
4
Limp,
I'll help you out here and make you feel better. After my first 3 rounds of the year in the last two weeks, I realized I developed something new that I have never had before. I can't even say it because it would probably be picked up as the worst form of profanity and censored on here. This will propably explain it to most.

<dl><dd>Roy: I'm clearing too early, too late. My swing feels like an unfolding chair!</dd><dd>Romeo: Put your change in your left pocket. Go on, do it. Now, tie your left shoe in a double knot.</dd><dd>Roy: Tie my left shoe?</dd><dd>Romeo: Right now, do it! Turn the hat backwards. Turn your hat around. Do it, Roy! Take this tee and stick it behind your left ear.</dd><dd>Roy: I look like a fool!</dd><dd>Romeo: What do you think you look like shooting chili peppers up Janzen's ass? Do it now or I'm going to quit. I swear to God I'll quit. Good. Take this ball and hit it up the fairway.</dd><dd>[Roy hits the ball straight]</dd></dl>
Make you feel better and realize life could be worse? Just in time for my trip to Hilton Head. Sad part is, I was hitting the ball extremely well when it found the face, and my short game was even coming around by the end of yesterdays round.

Let me know if you find a good shuffleboard stick. :laugh:
 

warbirdlover

Ender of all threads
Supporting Member
Jul 9, 2005
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I don't know how you chip but I keep my wrists locked. When this (shanks) happens to me I'm using my wrists. Maybe that will keep you outside instead of playing checkers... :D
 

slickpitt

Well-Known Member
Aug 15, 2006
2,706
3
Sounds like you need to relax. You're probably thinking about it too much and getting up tight and still on those short shots.
 

MCDavis

The Plaid Duffer
Staff member
Moderator
Oct 19, 2006
13,508
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Oh, quit you're bitchin'. You're 187 years old and you'd probably still beat half the members here on any given day. Shoot, you could pull out your old hickory sticks and gutta perchas and STILL make eclark look like a 1 handed woman playing from a wheelchair. WTF more do you want, limp??


Some people are just NEVER satisfied!





Yeah, I hate/love this game as well, my friend. Who knows, maybe one day we can tee it up together and you can smack me around for stuff like the above.

Until then, I AIN'T LETTING OFF, YOU OLD GEEZER!!!!
 

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