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What would you say?

295yards

Well-Known Member
May 5, 2009
447
0
I have a friend from WAY back, Mark, that I have not played golf yet alone got together just for the sake of getting together in over 15years. I've talked to him on the phone and we always said we would get together. He has a wife and kids as I do, and I know how it can be hard to arrange time, more from me as I can work in excess of 60-80 hours per week.
Keep in mind, we were great friends and there was never any falling out between us.
Probably 10years ago we agreed to a round between the 2 of us, with plenty of notice and when I called Mark the night before our round he hmmd and hwwed about going. It turned out he was going to attend a funeral service for someone known to a co-worker in the office. HE never knew of the guy and it was completely political why he was going, but I was most upset because. 1, I'm sure it wasn't a last minute notice funeral and 2. He was never going to call me to tell me he wasn't going to be there!
Fast forward to just last week!
I know work with an old friend, Mike, and the three of us were inseperable 25years back. Mike insisted on the three of us should get out together for a round. I explained how I had no interest because what had happened. After begging and pleading me to agree to a tee time with 3 weeks in advance, I agreed but with strong caution how I felt to Mike and that this is a last chance effort for Mark and for him to be warned.
Well come the Thursday before our Saturday round Mike was over at Mark's house.
Mark insisted he did not check into if he could or couldn't actually and he never mentioned it to his wife but it wouldn't be a big deal. Five beers later Mike asked Mark when him and his brothers were doing their mothers roof.
"Oh, that's this weekend...I forgot. But i'm not even sure if my brother ordered the shingles". This is how it was left by what I was told Friday morning at work.
He never called back. Never did the roof and just assumed we were not golfing because no one got back to him.
Long story short I was slightly pissed but not enough to actually hate my old friend, but I have no interest in ever getting out to the course with him and Mike is trying again to get us out.
Am I wrong for not wanting to put the effort out to see an ole friend who has no ability to do things rationally, like actually see if he can go golfing when he says he'll see if he can go golfing.
 

Jimc11

Well-Known Member
Jun 25, 2009
83
0
That kinda stuff drives me nuts..I understand stuff happens..I have 4 kids, coach baseball, coach girls softball team, work an hour and half from my house..I have had to cancel on friends..BUT I call first...and I call as soon as I know I cant go...In the winter we hunt alot..my folks own a farm so most of the time I hunt the farm and have some friends that hunt it too...my rule...call if you are not gonna show...and if we say 5am you have a 5minute grace period (if you dont call) or we are leaving you and you aint hunting the property that day...I am a stickler for people being on time...I am always 15min early to everything....
 

Nikonut

Well-Known Member
Apr 24, 2008
1,035
150
N. Texas
Country
United States United States
Jim that reminds me of last Feb.
Was told by my "freind" that yea, we will hunt the coyote contest, and between us we will have over 3k acres to hunt.

Friday before....he says oh,I am going (local)to my Sisters in Laws.
Thanks, A-hole, a once a year thing for us, and your dang ugly ol SIL aint going nowhere.
He _was_ my Golf buddy too. Some people just get to stuck up, and usually, later in life, well life gets even with them.
Some people are just "users" of other people, thats a trait I dont care much for.
 

slickpitt

Well-Known Member
Aug 15, 2006
2,706
3
I don't wait on anyone too many times... and I certainly don't try to keep making plans with someone that keeps on breaking them.
 

SiberianDVM

I love Hooters
Moderator
Jul 25, 2005
8,773
1,526
Augusta, GA
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United States United States
Yes, I've had friends like tht as well. I finally just quit asking them to play, as they are obviously not into golf as much as I am.

Seriously, I don' know what they find to do with their time on the weekends. I'd be bored to tears without golf.
 
OP
295yards

295yards

Well-Known Member
May 5, 2009
447
0
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  • #6
That kinda stuff drives me nuts..I understand stuff happens..I have 4 kids, coach baseball, coach girls softball team, work an hour and half from my house..I have had to cancel on friends..BUT I call first...and I call as soon as I know I cant go...In the winter we hunt alot..my folks own a farm so most of the time I hunt the farm and have some friends that hunt it too...my rule...call if you are not gonna show...and if we say 5am you have a 5minute grace period (if you dont call) or we are leaving you and you aint hunting the property that day...I am a stickler for people being on time...I am always 15min early to everything....

Ouch. Tough schedule!
I'm a stickler for time too, everyone I play with has no ability to track time. Everyone plans on getting to the course parking lot by the tee time, then of course they predict driving times all wrong.
Even though I catch all the slack standing there with the starter I accept it, and I move on. But not being able to make any effort to making sure you can actually go golfing with someone you have not seen in 10years, to me is insulting!!!
I have so many friends that won't to go golfing this summer and there is only so much time to do that. I reserved that time for him and of course when I called to see if anyone else could go they were busy.
I think they call it "plans"?
 
OP
295yards

295yards

Well-Known Member
May 5, 2009
447
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I don't wait on anyone too many times... and I certainly don't try to keep making plans with someone that keeps on breaking them.

I find it harder because my co worker really wants to push the issue of us all getting together.
I told him, no offence but no way in hell!!!
 

Pa Jayhawk

Well-Known Member
Nov 15, 2005
7,101
4
For me it would be real simple, after the second time I would let him make the next move, and every move there after till he proves he is capable. Also let him do all the leg work and tell him to call me when he has done so. After he called with the time, I would tell him to call you the day before to confirm he will be there, and tell him if you don't hear from him the day before you will assume it is off and you will make other plans. Time he realizes that all the planning doesn't just fall out of the sky in your lap, and just because he never does the leg work doesn't mean it can not be a PITA for the person who does.

If I never heard from him again, I doubt I would lose too much sleep.
 
OP
295yards

295yards

Well-Known Member
May 5, 2009
447
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Yes, I've had friends like tht as well. I finally just quit asking them to play, as they are obviously not into golf as much as I am.

Seriously, I don' know what they find to do with their time on the weekends. I'd be bored to tears without golf.

No, my old friend golfs twice a week know. Thats why my one bud thought it'd be a great idea. I just don't have the time or energy to chase this guy for a round. I find it insulting that he makes no effort to see if he can or cannot go and just says yes to going and backs out last minute because he already had plans.
3 weeks we planned this! And we haven't been out together in over 15 years. I really could care less if we got together or not. It's just the way he goes about it that has me pissed a lil.
 
OP
295yards

295yards

Well-Known Member
May 5, 2009
447
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For me it would be real simple, after the second time I would let him make the next move, and every move there after till he proves he is capable. Also let him do all the leg work and tell him to call me when he has done so. After he called with the time, I would tell him to call you the day before to confirm he will be there, and tell him if you don't hear from him the day before you will assume it is off and you will make other plans. Time he realizes that all the planning doesn't just fall out of the sky in your lap, and just because he never does the leg work doesn't mean it can not be a PITA for the person who does.

If I never heard from him again, I doubt I would lose too much sleep.

Thats where I stand firm! I don't wanna see him again. It just makes it harder that my co worker really wants us all to get together and he keeps pushing for another time. He thinks I should just let it slide and accept that thats just the way that guy is.
I think it is inconciderate!
 

Pa Jayhawk

Well-Known Member
Nov 15, 2005
7,101
4
Thats where I stand firm! I don't wanna see him again. It just makes it harder that my co worker really wants us all to get together and he keeps pushing for another time. He thinks I should just let it slide and accept that thats just the way that guy is.
I think it is inconciderate!
Sorry, didn't realize that was the case. Not sure what I would do in that case. I play with guys on occasion that I just really don't care for much. I usually just let it go if someone else wants them along. Otherwise just need to make the decision of whether you can let it pass. Figure if by simply ignoring the guy for 4 hours, maybe he'll decide the next time he doesn't want to be around you and let the guy know, making the decision fairly simple the next time around.

If you can't, I would make it quite clear the reason you are not going.
 

Clugnut

Gimme some roombas!
Aug 13, 2006
3,423
1
I do not have time for people that have no respect for my time. I wouldn't put up with that crap.
 

Fairway_CY

Well-Known Member
Mar 25, 2008
52
0
Last golfing buddy I had (12+ years ago) did the same thing. We were slated to play in a tournament on a Saturday morning. He was going to pick me up at 5:00 am and we were going to get to the course about 6:00 for a 6:45 tee time.

5:45 came and no friend. I called, a few different times, and no reply. Finally, about 6:10 he called back and said he didn't feel well and wasn't going. I paid the entry fee for both of us... and since it was a team tournament... I didn't have any entry partner, so I forfeited my entry fee as a no-show.

It's more than a decade later and I've yet to find another golfing partner. I play as a single (which has it's advantages at times, but sucks at others). In northern Jersey, the courses that I WANT to play don't have many single times and I don't relish sitting at a course for 3 hours before they 'find an opening' for me.

Sucks when people pull this crap, but it sucks worse not having anybody to even TRY setting up a time with. But in your case... since you've got another friend to hit the course with... I agree with you 100%. Why put the effort in if someone is going to screw you in the end?

CY
 

gpo

Well-Known Member
Jun 2, 2008
236
0
I have no patience for people who can't be on time. I also do not put up with people canceling plans on me. If you commit to something then someone better have died or gone to the hospital if you cancel.

That being said since I moved to my area 15 years ago I have never really found a regular group to play with. I have had some years where I could only play once in a while. I really don't mind playing as a single. There is a lot of flexibility to it. Sure I don't get to play at prime tee times like 7:30 on the weekends, but I am not tied to a certain day or time each week either. With two kids sometimes I can't get out until 3:30 or can only get out during the week.
 
OP
295yards

295yards

Well-Known Member
May 5, 2009
447
0
  • Thread Starter
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Sorry, didn't realize that was the case. Not sure what I would do in that case. I play with guys on occasion that I just really don't care for much. I usually just let it go if someone else wants them along. Otherwise just need to make the decision of whether you can let it pass. Figure if by simply ignoring the guy for 4 hours, maybe he'll decide the next time he doesn't want to be around you and let the guy know, making the decision fairly simple the next time around.

If you can't, I would make it quite clear the reason you are not going.

In noway do I hate my old friend and I clearly expressed that to my co worker ( also a very old friend ; the three of us always hang out ) but that if he pulled this crap just one more time I would, and I honestly think he would.
I think if I did get out I would enjoy myself with his company, but I just want to set some precedent.
He never even physically called me himself since that. It was just passed on from my co worker. No personal sorries, no "I'm a dufus". I figure if I make it clear to him it about what I feel is innappropriate behaviour it will be in his favour to smartin' up. He already mentioned how he constantly "double books" with his clients. I can't see that being a good thing.
Not to mention how he treats his wife. He assumes everything is okay by 1/4 heartedly saying "oops".
 

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