First out

[Farquod]

Finally played last weekend after 2 months of snow. Saturday, the good hubby, get everything that has to get done all done, warn the family “I’m playing tomorrow, factor that into any plans.” Sunday comes, call my course, they’re still closed (too much snow, says he) so I call around and find a course I’ve played a couple of times before is open, $25 and carry only, I’m there. Call 5 guys, all have excuses, FU I’m gone. Warm up in the basement, kiss the kids, grope the missus, jump in the car, get there, pay the money, forget to take a card I’m so impatient, out to the first tee.

Aaaahhhhh. Deep breath, let it out slow. Stretch. Left side, then right. Work the obliques. A little windy, gusts up to 25. Not bad here, though, flag not moving too much. Sunny, air is crisp, maybe 42*. Tastes like the end of winter—wet, no new growth yet, a little tang. Time to focus. Behind the ball, look at the flag, the trees. See the shot. Deep breath. Let it out. Now. Walk to the ball. Mark distance from the ball, set the stance. Move the feet, once and waggle, twice and waggle, third time. Slooooooowly. Feels right. Rest club, press hands forward. Backswing with “seventeen.” Drive through the ball and hold the release just a scoche. Thunk…fwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Drive straight down the left side, little fade to end up maybe 10 feet into the fairway, about 265 carry and roll. About 150 yards out. Fairway very soft in parts—lucky to have gotten any bounce at all. Chilly, wind picking up, take an extra club. Six iron. Go through the routine. Thwack! Ahhh, to be able to see ball flight again. It’s a good thing. High, high shot. Little left of the flag, What’s that wind gust? Knocked it back. On the green, a little shy and left, maybe 18 feet.

Sh!t, never putted. Gotta be slow. Ball’s gonna fall off left to right. Move the goose poop. And that one. And THAT one. Make a good stroke. Nice roll, going going, no fall off. Slides by maybe 6 inches, 15 inches to the left. 18 inches for par. Step up. No break. Make a good stroke. DON’T LOOK, listen... Clunk! Par!

Shot an 88, not bad considering the conditions and the 2-month lay off. Went around in 2:45. Short game feel is not good (to be expected), but my contact is good, just one thin and one fat all day. Fairways are SOAKED. I’m playing disimpact, clean and place all day long. Greens are horrible—the only consistency is how inconsistent they are. And the goose crap is EVERYWHERE. Hey Rock, Sil, all you Canadian dudes, how bad can it be up there that every Canadian goose in North America has left a crap on one golf course in New Jersey? I shoulda played in boots!

It’s good to be back.

 

[Loop]

%&##&@#&!!!!!!!!!!
(%)@#(%@##^%!!!!!!!!

It's starting to warm up. It's 3 today. Maybe if we're lucky, in 4 to 6 weeks, we'll be able to play. :faintthud

 

[bdcrowe]

Hey farquod, do the geese attack you at your course? Montlake has such bold geese it's almost scary. I swear they wear their colors and flash gang signs. Let them smell snack-crackers on you and it's over.

 

[Bravo]

Those mofo's come down here too.

Why do they like the greens? Does anybody know why? In November or December we were playing and the bastards not only crapped all over the second green but their feet had torn it up.

I posted awhile back about Canadian government officials pleading with US wildlife management officials to take the restrictions off relating to electronic calls. This would enable hunters to more effectively lure the geese into range so they could be taken down. I read in Field and Stream that the age of the lead goose in the formation is something like 10-12 years old. They are too savvy to put down just anywhere...

In any event - good shooting for the first time in two months. Playing in 2:45 is a delight....

Four weeks from now you will be ahead of the game when the courses are wide open and you have your kinks out...

 

[DaveE]

No geese to deal with here. What we do have is about a million deer. And for whatever reason they like greens too.

Deer poop will mess up a putt big time. Sometimes on par 3s we forget about the pin and play hit the deer for a dollar. They're pretty tough cause I hit one with a drive once and it just looks back like it's annoyed and walks off.

I guess I shouldn't complain since we get to play all year, and if I ever get really hungry I can go hunting in the back yard with hammer.

 

[Augster]

Ah yes, the first rounds of the year. Most wouldn't even consider playing those conditions in October, but with the new season coming about, you just HAVE to play.

I can't even imagine living in the South and being able to play year-round. Having the winter makes you appreciate the time you are out golfing a LOT more. I mean, you could be shoveling snow, right?

I can't wait for the courses to open here in MN. It was finally in the high 30's today after about 3 weeks sub-freezing. Supposed to be 40's next week. I'm hoping something is open before Easter.

Thanks for the tale, and good shooting, all things considered.

 

[Farquod]

Hey farquod, do the geese attack you at your course? Montlake has such bold geese it's almost scary. I swear they wear their colors and flash gang signs. Let them smell snack-crackers on you and it's over.

Thanks. I've got Gilbert Gottfried (AAAAFLAAAAC) doing voiceovers in my head. Hey yo flatface!

I like to carry some peanut butter sandwich crackers, just for such an emergency. Watching them try to unstick their bills is hilarious....

Short story. We have a pond near our house, and had a mating pair there maybe two years back. My son, who was then 12, was wandering around the pond and adjacent stream looking for some slimy or slithering thing to bring home, and saw something in the brush. He went in to have a look, and saw the female, who wasn't moving too well. The male came swooping in, and ran my son off. The son then comes running home to get me, 'cause he says the female's hurt. OK, so I watch the Discovery Channel, I can do this. He takes me back to the spot, and sure enough, there's the female caught in some bramble, and she is, in fact, not moving well at all. I go in and move the thorns out of the way, and she's still not moving. So, I pin her wings to her side, and attempt to pick her up. Not happening; these are heavy birds. And she comes alive! Flapping, squawking, pecking, you know, typical woman who doesn't want to be touched. No sign of the male. So I send my son to the truck to get me a bungee cord, we calm her down a touch, pin her wings to her body, bungee them (not too tight) then haul her ass up into my arms. She's honking and squawking, jabbing at my face, my arms, anything she can aim at, I'm slipping on the wet slope, finally break free of the woods and who comes swooping down at me but Mr. Testosterone. Dive bombs my head, lands, spreads his wings, and comes clamoring at me. I tell my son to open the tailgate, I put her not so gently into the Jeep, slam the gate shut, jump in the car, and shut the door. We head to the vet's, my son in the back with the goose. Guess whose following? I get to the parking lot, shut off the engine, and the stupid male is waiting for me when I open the door. Carry the female into the vet's, the male's pecking at my legs, my ass, my lower back, the female at every other part of my body, I have goose "stuff" and mud all over, and finally get the damn bird into the vet's office.

Well, she's got an infection, the vet whacks her up with antibiotics (the cost for which I split with the vet), and she (the vet) makes me take the goose BACK to the pond.

They never thanked me. No card, nothing. Not even at Christmas.

I now make sure I eat goose at least once a year.

 

[Rockford35]

From all the Canadians out there, I thank you. That bird is a national treasure. Too greasy for gravy tho!

We have geese here all year round. Only one course gets alot of shit on it. It's the private course, now those guys are the mofo's....

Playing indoors tommorrow night. She was a brisk -6 today with a wind about 25km. 2" of snow last night put me in a pissy mood this morning. I just want this white garbage to leave.

Oh, and Farq, if you cover a goose's eyes with a towel of your hand (gently), it won't freak out as much. Just for next time.

Plus who doesn't like a little "gander" in their ass once in a while? (Man, my jokes suck!)

R35

 

[Farquod]

Deer poop will mess up a putt big time. Sometimes on par 3s we forget about the pin and play hit the deer for a dollar. They're pretty tough cause I hit one with a drive once and it just looks back like it's annoyed and walks off.

We have a ton of deer by us as well. An occasional pass-time is to take my son's semi-automatic paintball gun, put a mixed bag of paint in the hopper, and light them up. It's pretty funny to see the deer with these brightly colored splotches come out of the trees. I figure it's like drawing a target on them for the hunters.

My dog loves to eat deer pellets, btw. I think they're like jelly beans to him. He's a pretty big mutt (@125 lbs) and his breath is killer when he comes up to you looking for a scratch after a little snackaroo.

Plus who doesn't like a little "gander" in their ass once in a while?

Only if it's been chewed first. That's an exit, my friend, not an entrance. At least, that's what the little lady keeps telling me....

 

[Bravo]

Farquod:

Great wildlife stories....loved the goose one in particular. I just wish they would hang around somewhere else...

I can only imagine the male, flying above and behind your vehicle while you made your way to the vets office. You emerge and he attacks...

 

[Rockford35]

These guys? So innocent....

R35

 

[Farquod]

These guys? So innocent.... R35

Innocent my ass....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Sorry.

I was looking for a more accurate pic of how I remembered him but I couldn't find one with teeth. Maybe someone could photoshop the bad boy below....

BTW, they didn't return to the pond the following year. I wonder why?

Maybe they were tasty?

 

[Farquod]

I can only imagine the male, flying above and behind your vehicle while you made your way to the vets office. You emerge and he attacks...

You know, I never saw him follow me, but he landed right after I parked. Not a real graceful landing either, if I remember correctly (and with some satisfaction, I must admit... ).