Take three is great.
Understanding Engineers - Take One:
Two engineering students were walking across campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great
bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take
what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have
fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two:
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the
pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the
glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three:
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one
morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys?
We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but
I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens
keeper.
Let's have a word with him." ..........
[dramatic pause]
"Hi George, say, what's with that group
ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's
a group of blind firefighters lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play
for free
anytime." The group fell silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going
to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys
play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four:
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for
fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company
loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. A few
years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
unsolvable problem they were experiencing with one of their
multi-million dollar machines. They had tried every-thing
and everyone to no avail.
In desperation, they called the retired engineer, who
had solved so many of their problems in the past, begging
him to help them out with this difficult situation.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent
1 day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he
marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular
component of the machine and stated, "This is where
your problem is."
The defective part was replaced and the machine
worked perfectly to everyone's relief.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the
engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized
accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly: "One chalk mark
- $1.00.
Knowing where to put it - $49,999.00."
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in
peace.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five:
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers
and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons --
Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Six:
Three engineering students were gathered discussing
the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of
electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually, it was a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through
a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:
Normal people believe that: "...if it ain't
broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that: "...if it ain't
broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." -
Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight:
An architect, an artist and an engineer were
discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife
or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife,
building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
The others: "Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a
mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with
the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work
done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine:
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog
called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll
turn into a beautiful
princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and
put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said,
"If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and
turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it
and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked,
"What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that
I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I
don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog,
now that's cool."
Understanding Engineers - Take One:
Two engineering students were walking across campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great
bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take
what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have
fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two:
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the
pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the
glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three:
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one
morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys?
We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but
I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens
keeper.
Let's have a word with him." ..........
[dramatic pause]
"Hi George, say, what's with that group
ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's
a group of blind firefighters lost their sight saving our
clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play
for free
anytime." The group fell silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going
to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys
play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four:
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for
fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company
loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. A few
years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
unsolvable problem they were experiencing with one of their
multi-million dollar machines. They had tried every-thing
and everyone to no avail.
In desperation, they called the retired engineer, who
had solved so many of their problems in the past, begging
him to help them out with this difficult situation.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent
1 day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he
marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular
component of the machine and stated, "This is where
your problem is."
The defective part was replaced and the machine
worked perfectly to everyone's relief.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the
engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized
accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly: "One chalk mark
- $1.00.
Knowing where to put it - $49,999.00."
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in
peace.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five:
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers
and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons --
Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Six:
Three engineering students were gathered discussing
the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of
electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually, it was a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through
a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:
Normal people believe that: "...if it ain't
broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that: "...if it ain't
broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." -
Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight:
An architect, an artist and an engineer were
discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife
or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife,
building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
The others: "Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a
mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with
the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work
done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine:
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog
called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll
turn into a beautiful
princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and
put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said,
"If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and
turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it
and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked,
"What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that
I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I
don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog,
now that's cool."