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2016 Ryder Cup

Pete Willett: I ain't partisan, he's my brother.. - National Club Golfer

Danny Willet's brother speaks his mind.

For the Americans to stand a chance of winning, they need their baying mob of imbeciles to caress their egos every step of the way. Like one of those brainless bastards from your childhood, the one that pulled down your shorts during the school’s Christmas assembly (f**k you, Paul Jennings), they only have the courage to keg you if they’re backed up by a giggling group of reprobates. Team Europe needs to shut those groupies up.

They need to silence the pudgy, basement-dwelling, irritants, stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer, pausing between mouthfuls of hotdog so they can scream ‘Baba booey’ until their jelly faces turn red.

They need to stun the angry, unwashed, Make America Great Again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed-carry compensators and belting out a mini-erection inducing ‘mashed potato,’ hoping to impress their cousin.

They need to smash the obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children. Squeezed into their cargo shorts and boating shoes, they’ll bellow ‘get in the hole’ whilst high-fiving all the other members of the Dentists’ Big Game Hunt Society.
 
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Pairings:

Jordan Spieth/Patrick Reed vs Henrik Stenson/Justin Rose
Phil Mickelson/Rickie Fowler vs Rory McIlroy/Andy Sullivan
Jimmy Walker/Zach Johnson vs Sergio Garcia/Martin Kaymer
Dustin Johnson/Matt Kuchar vs Lee Westwood/Thomas Pieters
 

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